My Collection of Teen Romantic Comedies are Meaningless as Expected
by EvilMagicman
Summary: Possible oneshots and stories revolving around "My Teen Romantic Comedy is a CrUeL JoKe aS ExpECtEd." Still updating despite being 'Complete' since it's possible that I might just stop updating at any time..
1. Chapter 1: One Bad Day

**_*Looks around* I think I'm in the clear... *Posts oneshot*_ "HEY YO-" _MISSION FAILED! *runs away* Ah forgot the disclaimers FACK *runs back* Fine. Fine I'm back again with another oneshot. And like before, yes, you don't have to take this one seriously...and if you do...why so serious? With that being said *BREATHES IN*_**

 **"I do not own any of the characters of My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU/やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている _*phew* With that outa the way *runs away again*_**

 ** _Edit #1: If ya scroll down, ya might find something new and updated. If you are new to this oneshot though, then...sup._**

* * *

 _February the 14th has finally arrived. That's right. Valentine's Day in currently in session. The day that involves postcards, chocolates, confessions and so **much mORe**._ _..You see, this particular day is when people reveal their true feelings to the ones they care most in the world. To the masses of society, one would believe that lo **Ve**...would be the main emotion to be felt in this special holiday. But to me, what I felt in the end was..._

[零]

I couldn't help but release a long sigh as I walk the halls towards the Service Club. Honestly, Haruno really needs to find out on her own that everyone has their limits. That situation was just waiting to burst out of control. Oh who am I trying to fool here. It's quite clear that she wanted that to happen. All I did was talk to Orimoto regarding advice on Valentine's Day cookies. That's right. Cookies! Was it really that bad to the point where that witch was able to transform one small conversation into such a problem?

Luckily for me, everyone's emotions in the room were so erratic to the point where I was forced to direct all that negative attention over to me. I honestly expected Yukinoshita and Yuigahama and perhaps Isshiki to be somewhat disappointed in me for reverting to my former ways, but the reaction I've received was surprisingly different from what I had first expected. Instead, they all stormed out of the room red-faced and all. I was too shocked at that unexpected reaction to barely realize that Komachi-chan chased right after them muttering some things about rotten eyes and blind onii-chans. Seriously, what the hell just happened! I looked at Hiratsuka-sensei to give me a clue to their sudden reactions but all she did was roll her eyes disappointingly and followed right behind them.

Please just give me something to work with here. I may have 108 skills, but I doubt any one of them can help me right now. The only assumption I can make out is that they were jealous of Orimoto as I was interacting with her. It's arrogant of me to assume of such a thing I know, but it's the only reason I can come up with at the moment. I mean sure that conversation with her was the most pleasant of conversations that I've ever had with her but can you really blame me for not enjoying a conversation that isn't fake as Hayama? She didn't do that awkward giggle, that Sore Aru catchphrase, or even insult anyone as she talked to me. Hell, I'm pretty sure I let out a small smile unconsciously as I talked to her. Now that I put more thought on it, she was being really OOC to the point that I didn't even get to monologue at the time. The aftermath of Hayama's attempted defense towards my integrity back when we were hanging out at the cafe was most likely the reason for this.

As I finally collected my thoughts, I muttered a quick apology towards Orimoto as I was resolved to figure out what the hell happened back there. All she did was shake her head wordlessly telling me that's it's fine to continue this later on. I swiftly turned my back on her and headed for the exit as I missed her small but sad smile towards me.

And all that brings me to here now as I draw closer to the Service Club. "...-enpai", "-niichan..." I can even hear a few words escaping from the doors of the Service Club as I approach it.

"...-orst", "-itiful", "-sappointment..."

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Eh? I couldn't help but let out a sound in my head to represent my confusion as to what I'm hearing. It's not the words used to clearly describe me is what surprised me. After all, this isn't the first time I've been insulted let it be up front or behind my back. Take it from the ice queen of Soubu High aka Yukinoshita. No what got me confused was the level of disgust that came out of their mouths as they were talking about me. I can hardly hear six different yet feminine voices at most in the room as they continued talking about me. Wait. Six?

"Ah~ Hikigaya-kun really knows how to make thing interest-" I tuned out her voice as I realized that Haruno is also in the room. She must have followed all five of them towards the club as I was lost in my thoughts as to how I let this situation spiral out of control. Dammit. She must have already began plotting another scheme only this time specifically involving these five alone. Not if I can help it. I need to nip this in the bud with Haruno. That way, this can never happen again with me around. With one final nod to myself, I reach for the do- "Onii-chan isn't interesting at all Haruno-chan! Who would like my disgusting siscon of an Onii-chan anyways!"...wh **AT.**

NO! Calm down. Clearly my dear Komachi-chan has been swept up by the emotions that got out of control back there. She's just not in her right mind is all ahahah **aha-** "-taring at everyone while no one is looking with his creepy fish eyes. I wonder why I'm even related to that baka!"...K-Komach- No. No. No. N **o. nO. NO.**

STOP! S-She can't be serious right? Wait. Am I actually doubting my own sister's love for me? Of course what she's saying isn't true. She's probably just faking it in order to look good in front of them. Yeah. That has to be i- "-eally gross. I feel you Komachi-chan. I really do. I have to see Hikki everyday in class and in the Service Club. I don't think I could have survived in there alone without Yukino-chan."... **ThAt BiTc-**

Wait. No! STOP IT NOW!

Calm yourself Hachiman. Slowly breathe in as silently as you can...And quietly let it out. Now. Think logically here. I need to rely on cold hard facts rather than have my emotions get the better of me. Emotions may be dangerous to one's mind, but as long as I don't let it control my actions, then I should be fine. Alright. There's clearly something in Yuigahama's words meant to convince the others that she means it when in reality, she's just making it up. Yeah. All I have to do is find the one thing that can convince me that she's just lying to save face and all. It's there. It has to b- "-uch a meanie. He thinks he's so smart with those big words but he can't even understand something so simple. I never want to see his face again!"...Stop it.

"Hmph. Took the words out of my mouth Yuigahama-san. To think that I told him of all people to save me. Hikkigerma-kun muse have corrupted my well-being if I were to rely on him on something as important as this." Please. This isn't funny anymore. I know this is a joke that I'm not supposed to understand, but please. Just say the punchline so the pain can go away. It hurts. It hurts. Why does it hurt? For the love of the Rom-Com Gods above please... **MaKE tHe pAIn gO aWA-**

"Eh? You asked Hikigaya-kun to do that? Wow~ You must have been really desperate to ask Ronrite-kun to save you from Okaa-san. Well I guess that he isn't as interesting as I thought before. Good thing you're here to interest me Komachi-chan~"...

"Control yourself Haruno-san. She may not be a student here, but I can't have you harassing the only tolerable Hikigaya I know. Go mess with her lazy brat of brother instead."...Ah...I think I see it now.

"-an't believe Senpai gets to be with that Orimoto chick back there while I end up alone without Hayama-senpai. I bet he's the real reason why Hayama-senpai rejected me back in the festival. Ahhh~ Now I reaaally regret wasting my time being with him just to help me out." ...The punchline to this ongoing joke.

Disgusting. Creepy. Deplorable. Gross. Lecherous. Unreliable. Threat. Siscon. Brat. Troublemaker... **StAReS...**

It's been right at my face this entire time and it took all of this just to find it...I have to admit it's kinda funny in a way. Heh...hehehEh **eHEh-**

 _ **VIolAteD...ScUm...EArth...SeNPaI...ImPOssIBle...bRaT...ProBLeM...BrEaKHAyaMAuP...**_ _ **Oniichan...**_

 _ **WoRSt...PiTYfUl**_ _ **NevER**_ _ **aBRotherUnSolVaBLe**_ _ **ReSistedcReEPAuThORItIeSTRasH**_

 _ **HaChiMaN**_ _ **HaChiMaN**_ _ **HaChiMaN**_

 _ **HaChiMaN**_ _ **HaChiMaN**_

 _ **HaChiMaN**_ _ **ahAhAHahHA**_ **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAh** **AH** **AhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaHA** **HAhAhAhAhAHaH**

 **.**

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"Ah! Yukino-chan! Look outside!" Hm? "The sun is starting to go down. We should go. It's getting pretty late." Late? I check my phone as I realize that I've been standing around for...A couple of hours or so? Wow. Time flies pretty fast huh? Wait. Why was I here again?...Ah crap I...forgot...pfftah **ahah** \- "-or reminding us Yuigahama-san. I'm have to go too. My as well celebrate Valentines day elsewere." - **ahahaw** hat...Wait a minute. Why did I find that so funny? And Valentines Day?

...Oh. Oooh now I remember. My eyes lighting up in my sudden realization. I talked to Orimoto, Haruno caused a problem, and I'm here to fix it. As always. Wait. Always? Why would I ALWAYS do this sort of thing? As I quickly dig deeper into my memories from the start of my first year to as of now in my...second year? I can even see myself doing various deeds quite similar to this situation. Over and over and ov **er aNd OvEr**...

I frown in disbelief of my past doings. Apparently, I've been doing these kinds of things for more than a year. I really don't see myself as the type of guy that always does the same thing. Nothing changes with a mindset like that. Those who continue to do so for the sole purpose of making a change clearly have no sanity whatsoever. For once I feel gracious to realize how sane I truly am. I can't help but release a satisfied sigh. "Hm? Did any of you hear something outside the door?" Ah so they noticed huh? My Stealth Hikki must have deactivated by itself due to it's long usage...

Wait a minute. Stealth Hikki? Long usage? I only use this skill of mine for a few minutes at most. And it's not like I use said skill on a daily basis. I have my loner status to thank for that. I guess you can refer to it as a passive skill. But its effect pales in comparison to Stealth Hikki. So why would I use this particular skill for so lon- "Is anyone out there?" Ugh. It appears that I've been lost in my thoughts for too long. Oh well. No time like the present then. I place my hand on the side of the entrance ignoring the various gasps of surprise as I slide the door ope-

"Hikigaya-kun?" "Hikki?" "Onii-chan?" "Hikigaya?" "Senpai?" "Hikigaya-kun?"

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"So is the event already over? We must have been here for a long time. Ahahahahahaha..."

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"Um...is there something wrong?"

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"S-Senpai? Are you alright? If it's about us leaving you in the room back there, I'm sorry..."

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"...Onii-chan? How long have you been stan-"

 _"Yes."_ They appear confused with my confirmation as if they'd expect more out of what I just said. And they'd be right. _"Yes I'm Hachiman."_ I shake my head as I chuckle at my own wit paired with their deadpanned reactions. _"Komachi-san."_ I call out towards my little sister. _"It's time to go back home. It's late already. Let's go before it gets really dark outsi-"_ "Onii...-chan?" She cuts me off looking at me with an unusual expression. As I look towards the rest of them, I realize that they too are wearing expressions on their faces similar to Komachi's. _"Komachi...-san?"_ She flinches a little at my question.

Hm? Why? What's with the sudden flinch? All I did was answer her question with a similar question. _"Heheh. I'm just joking Komachi-san. But seriously, you can tell me what's wrong."_ Her eyes widen even more full of uneasiness. I tilt my head wondering what's going on with he- with everyone apparently. Why is everyone in this room sporting the same reaction as her? "H-Hikki?" Yuigahama addresses me with an uneasy expression. I raise an eyebrow at her wondering what's she's going to say next. Does she know something I don't? Usually it's the other way around. "How lon..." I hear Yuigahama ask me something before being reduced to incoherent mumbles.

 _*Whoosh*_ I quickly shoved my right arm to the front with my hand open towards their faces with the blankest expression on my face. All of them flinched on their seats again. Heheh. What? You make it look like I was going to fire a ki blast at you guys or something. Why so afraid? I turn my head slightly to the left as I adjust my arm bringing my hand to my right ear while looking at Yuigahama's scared face. _"What was that?"_ I asked her with a small smile to reassure her that it's fine. Everything is fine. After all, what I felt bac-

"Hikki..." Yuigahama cuts off my inner monologue as she whispers my name with downcast eyes before turning to Yukinoshita. The younger one of course. Hell would be freezing over if she were to rely on someone who refers to her as Gahama-cha- "H-Hikigaya-kun!" And speeeak of the devil. She-devil in this case. Ne? Did you get it? Because it's Haruno whose just spoke my name? You got i- Of course ya did.

Speaking of...speaking, why IS she talking? Why do I have this sudden obligation to stop her? And did she of all people just stutter as she said my name? My crazy imaginations aside, she clearly knew that her younger sister was going to ask me something. Please shut up. It's rather rude to interrupt someone's question. Ya knoooooow~

 _"Haruno~"_ I address her in a condescending tone my eyes and smile slowly widening towards her flabbergasted face. "Y-Yes? Hikigaya-kun? What's with the sudden chang-" She stops talking as I place my right hand from my ear to my lips leaving my index finger open.

 _ **"SHuT uP."**_

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Everyone in the room straightens shocked at what I have just said. As if they felt the Shinigami appeared right behind them with it's scythe hanging on all their necks. Or it's pen on top of it's death note, whichever you prefer.

 _"It's rather rude to interrupt_ _Yukinoshita_ _'s question. So please behave just this once. If not for your sister then do it for everyone else in the room. After all..."_ My smile fades away leaving a impassive expression on my face. _"... **You don't want to cause another problem in the same day. Do you?"**_ I finish with the same expression still plastered on my face.

 _"Well then Yukinoshita-san. Do you have something to...say?"_ I address Yukinoshita as I shift my focus to the frightened ice quee- Wait. Frightened? Her skin is paler than usual. And it appears that she isn't the only one feeling the same. She is to. And so is she. And her too. Even her as well. Why? Wh **y sO AfRaID?**

 _"_ _Yukinoshita-san_ _? Hellooo?"_ I wave my right hand left and right towards her for a while. _"Hm."_ A confused sound escapes my pursed lips as I tilt my head at her. Ah maybe I been greeting them the wrong way. Huh. Well if that's true, then it would most definitely explain the weird reactions I've been getting from them. Should I try it their way instead? Hmmm. Well alright then. Here we go. Ahem. _"Ya-Yahallo?"_ Still no response...oh come on. What am I doing wrong? And why do I have a sudden urge to flip up and down on a couch while having constant thoughts about dyin-

"Hikigaya". I turn to the single teacher in the room. Ha. Single. Got the double meaning to it? Because she's currently the only teacher in this room. And the fact that she's singl- I see Hiratsuka-sensei's unusual expression turn into a tiny glare. Ah she must have sensed me joking about her single life. Her eye twitches a bit...again. Ha. _"Hiratsuka-sensei? Can you please tell me what's going on? I have to admit, I'm really lost here."_

I see her close her eyes as she breathes in and out as if she's preparing to give me another speech. "How long?" She asks of me with her eyes still closed. I tilt my head eyebrows raised at her silently urging her to emphasize on her peculiar question. She opens her eyes a little as an unusual expression appears on her face. Is that a sign of regre- "How long were you standing outside the door of this room?" Ah so that's what it was.

I smile in an unsure manner towards them. _"In all honesty..."_ They slowly bend towards me as I give them my answer. _"...I don't remember."_ I finish with a sheepish expression on my face.

"EEEEHHHHHHH?!"

"Senpaiii~ we're being serious here. Mou~ Can you just tell us already." Isshiki tells me with a small yet relieved pout on her face. What. You thought I was just teasing you all? I'm being serious here. I honestly have no idea how I can simply forget whatever happened today, let alone a few...hours...ag- "Wait a minute. I-I think I'm getting something here."

My face twists in concentration as I forcibly gather my earliest memories when I stood...outside...the Service Club.

 ** _K̵̛̭̙̻͕̊̆̉̐Ḭ̶͔̠̣̾͑̚͝M̷̧̱̩̩̜̫̬̭͓͙̆̍́̀ͅỜ̴̧̪̺͇͎̪͍͇̟̰̖̐̓̋̍̌͂͝Į̶̹̱̖͙̉́͊͛͜_**

I shortly gasp startling everyone in the room with my sudden reaction as all the missing memories come back to me now. I grab my head in a forceful manner covering most of my face as I look downwards with my teeth gritted...T-The memories **...ThOSe meMorIeS...I...huh...Well would you look at that...My mind is becoming clear now...Yes...I'm finally starting to remember...eVeRYthINg...** I can feel the remaining memories returning to me like a film reel rolling in my head as they revea-

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 _ **D̶̨̨̗̞̭̟͉̬̜̺͆̇̌͑̇͂̚į̸̲̥̘̩̮̲̩̣̹͖̒͐̇͗̚͝ͅs̴͇̟̺̮̫̳͇̪̦̪̫͕͚̥̉̑͝g̸̢̲̘̥͓̣̑̌̋̈́͂̈̈́̄̉͠ű̸̧͍̮̜̪̠̪͉̬̥͕̦͍͎̝̣͒̔͂̽̓̎̔͆̈̃̃̕s̵̨̡̨̯̣͍͓̻̼̜͓̓t̴̨̜͎͇̼̟̣̮̗̘̥̖͇̮̘̀͂̿̈̑̈́̃̕̕i̵̫̰̗͎̅̾̎͑͆̓̊̎̉̾̏͝ǹ̸̯̣̟͇̱͔͚͙̤̱͓̻̻̜̀̈́̈́̓̐̄̓̍̆͌ģ̶̫̰̹̰̘͙͖̳̹͕͛͆̍̓͊͝.̵̡͉͓̟͈̲̟̪̺̖̋̉̊̾̐̏͋́̓̐͑̑̉̅͝ ̷̛̮͉͉̹̞̩̾̓̀̉̒̏̃̕͝C̷̡͙͔̠̥̠̯̞̿̊͝r̵̛̳̲̝̩̤̟̫͋̊̐̒̑͗̽͊́̓ę̸̪̐̾̐̏͘͝ẻ̸̫͍̙̻͕̤̟̱̙̄ͅͅp̸̟̘̤̞̫̭̈́́̈̂͆̓̔̅̒̽́y̷̨͍͐̄͌̄͌̾̀̕.̴̡̧̣͕͉͔̪̭̘̺̘̫̥̫̙̍̊ ̵̢̧̱̼̲͖͉̟̤̻̼̩͓̎̎D̴̯̅̂̊͑͂̊̓͌̾̊̕͘e̵̹͓̫̻͇̗̜̥̭̊̾͑̈́͘̕ͅp̴̢̧̥͓̥͉͎̲̹͓̫͓̻͕͊͑̂̈́́̓͜͠ͅļ̷̯̳̤̾́ǫ̶͚͕̙̓͂̃ř̵̗̺̭̩̞̼̻̪̺̗̬͎̦͋̔̽̏̈͑̑́̊̀͐́̓̈́ä̸̯̱͔̘́̆͂͐̓͗̅̈̔̽b̵̤̘͎͓̮̎̾̐͜͜l̷̢͚͈̥̩̯̮̯͔̭̺͚͚͆̆͜ͅę̸̛͙̱͙̞͈̫̮͎̆̍͆̈́̐͆̀.̶̨̹̺͓̣̯̠͍̙̩̝̙͈̝̐̎̄́̌̇..-** **u̷̜̓̀s̷̺̉͗̆t̵̻̉ ̸̦̰͍͌̐͐͝h̷͎̏̂͒ą̶͙̙͇̌v̵̦̣̘̒̌ė̵͇̻̣̓ ̴͙͘b̶̧̧̳̏̏̋ề̶̟è̵̤͔͈̘n̶̢̯̩̭̾ ̷̼͐̈́͌̈r̴͍̭̘̩͑͒ȅ̷̡̙̺͛͝ȁ̷̞͖̟̫̋l̴͚͒̚l̸̡͖̅͂̽̈́y̴̙̗̐͂̽̚ ̸̥̳̣̲́́d̴̬͕͋̿e̸̱̖̜̙̕s̷̛̗̣̦̥͌p̶̺̼͎̔̈̚ȅ̸̟̼͝r̸̘͐̕a̴̞̖̤̓͗̿͠t̵̜͚͙̤͐͠ẽ̴̗̺̖̠ ̴͎̯̿̀t̸̖͖̅̔̍͘ö̴͎͕͎́̒̆ ̶̛̭̀͜a̵̛͖̗͒̓s̵̼̺̖͌̄͘͘k̸͚͇̬̐͗̏̈́ ̷̨̜̯̘̽̔Ŕ̵̳̜̾͘͜ö̶̭̠͚́n̷̡̢̒̈́ṙ̶̒́̚ͅȋ̵̧̧̫͐̿̋ͅt̴͓̯̩̓͂̕ē̵̛͍̠̟-̶̬͍̠̼̐͆̚k̸̛̰͖̟̈͘ų̷͉̣̤͋ň̶̻͓̙̂ ̶͕͙̞̅́ͅt̶͔́̔o̵͈̟̳̐͆͋͋ ̶̩̯̜̥̈́̉̒̈́ŝ̴̱ȁ̸͉̰̆̔͝v̷̠̒́͠e̴̦͚̊ ̸̩̞͛̈́́ỳ̵̖́o̷̯͇̭̟̐̀̒ū̵̘̐ ̷̡̺́ḟ̴̨͖͍̈͂͛r̷̺̘̯͍͋͊̊̇ö̶̘́͛͐m̸̱̹̠͋̑̔̀ ̶̫̬̰͉̎̎̽o̴͇̺͌k̴̙͎͛̆͜͠a̸̬͖̣̤̾̆̃̂ạ̶͎̙̋͝-̴̬͑ś̷̜̟͐͝a̸̠̙̹͊n̷̬̈́͗.̷̱͓̀͘ ̵̯̈́̈́͒͝W̷̮͛̈̄̚ȩ̶͚̔l̸̛͋ͅl̵̝̓̊͆ ̸̼̿Ḭ̸͖͇͎̆́͋ ̶͇͠g̴̛͈̈́̆ų̸̰̪̎͜e̶̜̼͛̏̄s̷̻̘̙̈́͌͝s̵̘̩̾ ̸̜͈͛̒̀t̸̫͘h̶̠͂a̵̩̲̓̒̇͠ͅt̴͙̹̪̗̆̏̃͋ ̶̣̀̂h̷͓̒ê̷̥̦̟͇͗̌̂ ̴̞̝̺͐ȉ̵̩͓̀s̴̬͙̿ñ̶̼͇͉'̴̫̫̈́̌̽t̵̖̜͕͉̊ ̵̖̹͍̭͑̋a̴̛͔͈̮͆̃͘s̵͕̆̓͆̀ ̴͖̫͑i̴̪͇̚n̶̺̼͉̊͠t̶͍̳̉e̵̢̡̺̱̓r̴̠̼̝̮̈̊é̷̺s̸͕̪̺͌̈́͌̽t̶̲̊͋͗i̴̪̤͈̭͂͋̓̿n̴̟̰̭̞̓̚g̶̛̣͌͊ ̸̳̲͉͛̓̄ǎ̷̰̬̙s̶̰̠̍̑͝ ̴͉̅I̷̬̺̯̓̌͆̿ ̴͍͔̿t̷̳͋h̶̘̲̮̽̏͂͜ò̴͔ų̵̞̲̰̌͗̈́̾g̴̢̽͂͑̃͜h̸̨̙͓̙̓t̶̹̙͖̃͒̀͗ ̸̺̹́͜** **b̸̀̂͛͜͝e̷̡̧͈͛̀f̷̡̫͙̦̀ỏ̷̯̭̞ŕ̷͉̘e̴̟͆͊.̶̝̃̇**_

 _ **T̶̠͆ó̴̙ ̴̻̊t̷̝͒ḫ̸̂i̶̢̽n̴̰͂k̵͚̃ ̷̯̉t̴̟̆h̴̘̒ä̸̝́t̴͎̑ ̷͉̅I̶̝̓ ̶̝͌t̷͓̾ȯ̶̙l̶̖̓d̸̦͂ ̴̲̃h̴̖̕i̴̪͑ḿ̷̪ ̶̻͊ö̸̥́f̸̹̉ ̸̭͊a̷̘͌l̴̹͝ḹ̴ ̴̯͠p̴̨̈́e̴͎̋o̶̝̔p̸̫̌l̷̜̀e̸̯͂ ̸̞̋t̶̢͒ō̸͙ ̵̡̇s̸̰͠ą̷̃v̴̛̝e̷̦͑ ̸̖̆m̶̹͑ȇ̴͜.̷̨̎ ̷͎̿H̶̥̎i̵͓͝k̴̬̋k̸̯̎ḯ̶̩g̸̝͂e̸̠͠r̶̦͘m̷͓̒ǎ̴͜-̷̙͘k̶̳̽u̷̍ͅn̸̘̿ ̸̀ͅḿ̸͖u̷̯̔s̷̙̀ȩ̸́ ̸͓͋h̸͍͘å̴̤v̷̰̽e̸̗͗ ̷͇̂c̵̦̃ő̵̠r̷͂͜ŗ̷́u̷͎͒p̵͇̿t̶̟̿ȇ̸͉d̷̹̎ ̸̠͝m̸̰͛y̸̓͜ ̵̧̆w̴̼͠e̷̱̊ḷ̶͌l̵͎͠-̸̡͘b̷̨̓ẻ̵͖i̵̝̒n̴͕̑g̵̪͌ ̷̖͋i̷̭͐f̷̜́ ̴͔̑Ĩ̴̹ ̶͎͊w̴̢̉e̷̯͌ř̴̫ȩ̸̿ ̷̛̜ţ̷̈o̴̖̓ ̸̩͗r̴̢̈e̷͖̊l̶̪͗y̷͇̾ ̵͙̄o̵̯͂n̷̥͝ ̷̖̅ḫ̷̂í̸̡m̶̰͠ ̸̱̕ö̸̮́ń̵͖ ̴̧̀s̷̥͒ó̸͙m̵͖͛ẽ̴̝t̴͚́h̷͇͊i̴͍͛ǹ̴ͅg̸̳͆ ̸̧̈́ȧ̶̞ś̴̠ ̶͚͝i̷̖̓m̶̙̑p̸̪̕o̵̥͂r̷͓͌t̵̤̂a̶̯͒n̶͈̅t̸̥̀ ̴͖̓ǎ̴͇s̶̭̾ ̴̤͆ṭ̶̑h̸͉̀i̴͇͋s̴̙͌.̸̦͂**_

 _ **H̶e̵ ̴t̶h̸i̸n̴k̷s̷ ̶h̷e̷'̶s̸ ̵s̸o̵ ̵s̸m̸a̴r̴t̵ ̴w̶i̷t̸h̸ ̸t̵h̷o̸s̶e̸ ̴b̵i̵g̸ ̸w̶o̴r̶d̷s̷ ̵b̸u̷t̸ ̴h̴e̵ ̴c̶a̴n̸'̷t̷ ̴e̵v̷e̵n̴ ̴u̷n̶d̴e̶r̶s̵t̶a̸n̴d̸ ̶s̸o̸m̵e̶t̶h̷i̴n̴g̵ ̷s̸o̴ ̷s̵i̵m̸p̴l̵e̵.̶ ̷I̵ ̶n̶e̶v̷e̶r̸ ̸w̶a̶n̷t̶ ̸t̴o̴ ̸s̴e̴e̴ ̷h̴i̶s̴ ̵f̶a̸c̶e̸ ̴a̴g̴a̶i̵n̵!̷**_

 _ **...H̸i̵k̸k̷i̴ ̸e̵v̵e̸r̸y̶d̸a̵y̷ ̴i̶n̵ ̴c̷l̷a̸s̶s̵ ̷a̷n̵d̶ ̴i̶n̴ ̵t̵h̷e̸ ̷S̵e̴r̷v̷i̷c̷e̷ ̶C̵l̸u̵b̴.̸ ̵I̶ ̵d̸o̶n̶'̵t̴ ̵t̸h̶i̵n̸k̷ ̵I̷ ̸c̶o̷u̷l̶d̴ ̶h̴a̷v̶e̴ ̴s̷u̷r̶v̸i̵v̵e̵d̷ ̶i̸n̶ ̵t̸h̶e̴r̴e̷ ̴a̶l̷o̶n̵e̸ ̴w̷i̸t̶h̶o̷u̶t̴ ̸Y̴u̶k̶i̶n̷o̴-̵c̶h̶a̴n̷.**_

 _ **-t̶a̷r̴i̴n̸g̷ ̴a̶t̶ ̵e̸v̴e̸r̴y̷o̸n̸e̵ ̷w̸h̶i̴l̵e̶ ̴n̴o̶ ̷o̶n̸e̷ ̶i̶s̶ ̸l̷o̵o̵k̶i̸n̵g̶ ̵w̴i̶t̷h̸ ̷h̸i̴s̸ ̴c̶r̷e̵e̵p̴y̵ ̸f̵i̶s̴h̶ ̴e̶y̶e̷s̵.̸ ̵I̴ ̷w̸o̶n̷d̵e̷r̷ ̸w̷h̷y̴ ̴I̷'̶m̸ ̸e̸v̸e̴n̵ ̴r̴e̷l̵a̵t̷e̶d̵ ̶t̶o̶ ̷t̶h̴a̵t̴ ̸b̸a̵k̸a̸!̶**_

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 ** _Onii-chan isn't interesting at all Haruno-chan! Who would like my disgusting siscon of an onii-chan anyways!_**

...Heheh. Bingo. I can't help but mentally smirk at the recent recollection of events that occurred hours ago. I've never felt so complete in my life. It's as if I've completely lost myself just moments ago only to be...reborn. "S-Senpai?" Isshiki says my name in an unsure manner with a hint of worry and...fear. Ah she must be wondering somewhere around the lines of, what's going on inside his head? Oh? Them too?...Well then.

 _"Say...'Haruno-chan'?"_ I address the former student of Soubu High while activating Stealth Hikki as I slowly back away from them towards the exit of the service club. They don't spot my slow and careful movements towards the door as they direct their attention towards her pondering as to why I said her name with an affectionate honorific in such a strange way after my sudden...awakening **. _"_** _How long ago was it?"_ I slowly raise my head revealing my blank face towards them. _"When I first h_ ** _eard the words..."_** All their eyes begin to widen, their heads slowly turning towards me as they begin to realize tha- _"_ ** _Onii-chan isn't interesting at all Haruno-chan. Who would like my dIsGUsTiNG sIScOn of an onii-chan_ _an_ _ywa_ _ys?..._ _I can't seem to recall how long ago it was."_** I finished with a blank expression on my face.

They all gasp in shock as they finally discovered that I've been listening to them this entire time. "O-ONII-CHA-!" **_"QUIIIIEET!"_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

Silence. Nothing but silence fills the room as I'm frozen in position with my finger pointed upwards right in front of my face as I focus on it with a blank expression. Three. Two. One. Zero. Nothing yet?...Good. **_"Hehheh."_** My glare slowly dissipates, a smile beginning to creep into my face as I chuckle to myself in satisfaction before putting my hands down to my sides while casually turning my head to the six people in front of me.

 ** _"I...want ALL of you to know..."_**

 ** _"...that I fOunD...your fICKleneSS...to be very painful..."_**

 ** _"...and more so...quite predictable."_**

 ** _"...but as of now?...All is feel is...is...keh-"_**

I quickly turn my head downwards towards the side failing to hide the sudden smirk that appeared on my face before fully turning my body around and bolting out of the room.

 ***SLAM***

Slamming the doors shut, I decided to run away as fast as I can from that area as I began to discover a foreign feeling that was just waiting to burst back there. I can faintly hear the doors slam open with my name being desperately cried out afterwards throughout the halls as I continue to run away.

As I swiftly exit the school ignoring the looks I receive from various Soubu students, I quickly unlock my noble steed of steel and pedal towards the direction of my house as if a speeding car was driving right behind me. Finally reaching my household, I quickly unlock the door and slam it behind me as I rush towards my room before locking it down. As I slowly turn in a 180 degree fashion while leaning on the door behind me, I take a deep breath in an effort to recover from the sudden burst of adrenaline I've experienced waiting for it to fade away...heh.

 **...hehehehehHaHa- "- _HAhahAhAhAHA_!"** I can't help but release the laughter I've been holding ever since I've ran away from the Service Club after gathering my memories. Ah~ I'd never expect so many surprises to happen today! In Valentine's Day of all the holidays. I feel like it's Christmas come early. Kinda exhausted though due to everything that has happened today. I blame my recent workout on my bike towards my house. But can you really blame me for running away so abruptly? Why did I run away you may ask?

Wait...did you think I felt sad at finding out how they truly feel about me? W-Wha- NO! Nonononono. Nooo. So is it happiness that I felt back then? Again. NoOoOo. Eh? Hatred? You make it look like I've turned towards the Dark Side or something. Ugh. Just thinking like that somewhat reminds me of a certain trenchcoat-wearing Chuunbyou. I roll my eyes at the thought. Perish it. Burn it with fire. If you want my personal preference, then blow it up. I was and never will be the type of person to hate anyone. Well, unless youth and society were able to take form of an imperfect human being then I can make an exception or two.

Hm. But that idea of a trenchcoat though...now that I think about it, I can't say the man doesn't have good taste. I wonder if I'd look good with a trenchcoat. Not light brown like Zaimokuza's though. No. Perhaps colored in dark blue. And maybe change it up with adding a hint of purple...Midnight Blue? Oh and maybe wear a hat with the same color since summer is about to arrive. Speaking of summer, I should get some shades soon with me going out of the house more often. I really wouldn't want anyone recognizing me with these so called rotten ey-

Cutting off my ramblings on my random interest in clothing and ideas for the future, I walk towards the bed and drop down towards it not even bothering to change out of my uniform. I do have a backup uniform just in case I end up in an accident...again. I lay in the bed bringing the covers over myself as I ponder about how I felt back there in the Service Club. What I felt back there was absolutely nothing. There's no doubt about that. Which is why I find their reactions to be so damn funny. But that's enough laughter for one day. I really need to rest right now. I almost lost control of myself back there.

Finally deciding to close my eyes, I think to myself that everything is fine. After all, everything that I have done for them doesn't matter. And what doesn't matter to me, I think of them as a joke. The bonds I have created with them. The genuine feeling that I slowly began to feel towards them. My family...My friends...My actions...My past...means...

* * *

 ** _...aBsoLuTElY nOtHinG._**

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 **[AN]**

 **So...um. Looks like you reach the end of this oneshot. Yes this one was an attempt based on my first oneshot. Which was basically an entire recap of what could happen if Hachiman ended up more...Joker-like. This one though is based on the day before he officially became *Points up* that. His "Day Zero" if you will. Just minus the zombies. Props to whoever told me about the series-of-oneshots idea. I can roll with that just fine.**

 **So you all must be wondering...What the hell just happened here. Or most of you must be wondering what just happened. Pretty sure there's someone out there that figured it all out in one go. Well then, I suppose I can explain my certain approach on a !jokerHachiman. Hm...Ah! Think of Hachiman as a...computer. You know what.** **Hachi-exe** **to be specific. But he's a special type of computer. He stores 2 types of data.**

 **Good data. And bad data.**

 **The bad data can be known as the insults, bullying, failures, you name it. Think of them as viruses. The only difference between** **Hachi-exe** **and other "computers" is that he doesn't delete them but rather stores it inside for future reference. That way, it can develop an immunity to the damage originating from the bad data that have been collected over time. And if it continues to function properly, it will sooner or later be completely immune to any bad data that he collects.**

 **The good data can be known as the compliments, assistance, successes, you name it once more. Think of them as upgrades. The only difference between** **Hachi-exe** **and other "computers" is that the upgrades that he receives stack on top of one another combining every single upgrade into one fairly large yet long lasting upgrade rather than one good upgrade being fully taken down and replaced with an even better upgrade. Did I also mention that it even creates a history of good data being collected for future reference similar to bad data.**

 **Now then. What if.** **Hachi-exe** **discovers. That a fair number of good data he has stored was actually bad data in disguise of good data. Similar to a Trojan Horse. That's right. We got the good data, the bad data, and now the recently discovered ugly data. You see where I'm getting at with the whole "** **compliments, assistance, successes being disguised as** **insults, bullying, failures bit"?**

 **The ugly data is pretty much similar to good data...in the outside. The only difference between this and good data is that this one has no meaning. It's false. It's a false upgrade. It's an upgrade posing as a virus. And unlike the bad data, this one actually deals real damage towards** **Hachi-exe** **since it doesn't expect to receive any damage whatsoever from the good data being collected.**

 **Now then, I did just say that upgrades stack upon one another making into one giant upgrade. You see what makes the ugly data so disgusting? Once** **Hachi-exe** **discovers that the ugly data had merged with the good data over time, it slowly breaks down as the ugly data attacks it from the inside. It doesn't know how to properly react.** **Hachi-exe wouldn't dare continuing to function knowing that the ugly data has corrupted his system.** **It** **isn't the type of computer that would take risks like that. Even in the verge of breaking down. So what does it do?**

 **It reboots itself purging all types of data from the system. Good data, bad data, ugly data, you name it once again.**

 **Basically, it reverts to it's former self back when it had no data at all. AKA. Pre-** **Hachi-exe.** **The only thing that wasn't purged from the system was the history of data being collected over time.**

 **And using it's history of data, it transforms itself into** **Hachi-exe v2. The difference between this and** **Hachi-exe is that** **Hachi-exe v2 now watches over all data including the good data. Sure it stores them all but it doesn't see good data as upgrades anymore. It just sees them as...well nothing. Similar to bad data. And if it sees good data as nothing, then it sees ugly data as nothing as well. Everything is meaningless...**

 **But the one difference between his history and his data? In human terms, he takes the data to heart while he takes the history to his mind.**

 **Hachiman's transformation** **sequence:**

 **1) Hachiman *before revelation***

 **2) Pre-Hachiman(Missing certain memories) *after revelation***

 **3) !JokerHachiman *after full recollection***

 **If you think that my certain approach on this is flawed as Hell, I really won't disagree with ya there. But hey, at least I tried...and perhaps failed idk. I did have another approach though to his transformation...**

 **My original approach was going to involve Hachiman not reacting...like at all. An idea far more closer to my first oneshot compared to *Points Up Again*. He was going to enter the Service Club in the middle of their ramblings rather than in the end and just stand there with a blank face. Hell, even his mind is blank. The girls cautiously ask him questions about whats going on as usual. And when they bring up him waiting outside the door, he turns around, calmly leaves, and runs away. Leaving them to their own imaginations. I didn't know how to make that approach work though...yet...maybe when I put more thought to it.**

 **I see Hachiman as a very mentally strong character so I found it quite challenging to picture him reacting like that. I believe that i** **t'd take more than a few insults here and there to completely break his current character. But I also believed that Season 2 Hachiman has developed a lot going up from Season 1 to now. And also that at the time Valentine's Day was a thing, Hachiman was more vulnerable to the emotions that he began revealing to others compared to the start of Season 2 Hachiman. Let alone, Season 1 Hachiman. Ya know, with him confessing his genuine thing to Yui/Yukino, dealing with Miura's clique problem, Yukino's mother problem, the Kaihin-Soubu Student Council meeting problem, etc. etc. He's done so much for them. So I thought, it'd be a damn shame if it secretly didn't matter to them at all. And the trigger to start the event was none other than Haruno. But then again, she wasn't completely at fault for taking part in his transformation. All she did was interfere in the right place in the wrong time. Everyone's at fault here if you think about it. But it's fine however according to Hachiman. Since everything he does for them and everything they do for him doesn't really matter. And so...I chose to start his transformation in that particular timeline.**

 **So as of now, Hachiman believes that whatever doesn't matter is a joke. That includes his past such as his efforts towards his friends and family. They are nothing more than jokes. Which is why he laughs at his past self for being so blind to the obvious punchline his former self tried to find so desperately. Sooner or later, something will trigger the drive within him to destroy society. And once it does...**

 **...Well I'm still trying to figure that out actually eheheheh. Ima research more on this later and maybe fix some things in this oneshot along the way. I know I can do waaay better than this...Especially the beginning and end of this. Jeez it's like stacking an A5 grade meat with pre-toast bread. Oof. Now I'm starting to feeling hungry...**

 **Oh yeah here's a little something something down below as I was making this thing. Laterz.**

* * *

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

* * *

 ** _Previews of various possible oneshots in the future:_**

[一]

"Hikio!" I hear Miura call out to me as she stomps towards my desk. Oi. Quit with the stomping. What are you, Godzilla? Will I be reduced to ashes by a blue radiated beam once you open your big mouth again?...heh. Jokes aside, I look up towards her with an eyebrow raised silently asking her what's going on...And why should I even car- "Have you noticed Yui-chan acting strange today?" I tilt my head at her wondering whether I should just straight up tell her the truth or say that it's none of her business.

Hm...If I told her the truth many weeks ago, then she probably would believe me. But I have helped her before with her clique issues a while back. So no. She probably wouldn't believe me if I spoke the truth. The latter it is then. Just to be safe. Besides, it's not like I'm lying to her or anything. _**"Sorry Miura. I'm not the type of person to kiss and tell. It'd be best if you go ask her yourself if your so worried."**_ I already had a feeling that she did go to her to ask what's wrong. But I'm pretty sure that all she got from her were tears and sobs resulting from a certain someone.

Source: Me...Oh what am I saying. I'm not to blame here. More like Source: Look at a mirro-

"Eh?! K-Kiss?!" She exclaims with a shocked expression on her face as she begins to look left and right in a frantic manner...What the hell. That's all you got out of what I just said to you? How the hell did you end up in Soubu High anyways? Wait. How did Yuigahama end up in Soubu High...How did Tobe en- Meh. Not that it matters. Since I won't being seeing any of them anymore by the time 2nd year ends.

 ** _"Oi. Get you head out of the gutter. I didn't kiss her if that's what on your mind right now. Is that truly the only thing you got out of that."_** I really need to lower my expectations of others in this place. Well, with the exceptions of Zaimokuza I suppose. At least he's useful when I need him the most. And of course, the pure white angel Totsuk- "HI-KI-O! Do you! Or do you not! Know of what's going on right now with Yui-chan!" She shouts at me as she slams a hand on my desk.

 **How dArE yOU**...Not only did you cut off my thoughts about Totsuka. Not only did you damage my ears with your supersonic screeching. You also hurt Table-kun with your right claw of infernal hellfire. Damned Fire Queen of Soubu. Apologize to Totsuka and my table alongside my ears at once. Especially Totsuka!...Oh? You won't? Well then. Too can play this game. _ **"Fine. Fine. If you want to know that badly then I'll tell you."** _I see Miura slowly bend towards me and in the corner of my eye, the eavesdropping classmates of mine are mimicking the same action as well. Alright then everyone. Listen up. **_"It's..."_** They hold their breaths bringing silence to the room as they wait for me to finish talking. Heheh. Sorry folks but it's- **_"..None of your business"_** I finish while bringing my focus down to Table-kun.

 ***SLAM***

I see Miura slam her other hand to the table -No please spare Table-kun- as I hear a few other slams in the background occur at the same time. Hm? Did they all just face-fault? I thought that only happens in anime. My eyes widen a bit in revelation. Wait a second. What if...I'M ANIM- "I'm being serious here Hikio!" I can't help but chuckle at her response to my totally-not-serious answer towards her. Oh what's wrong Miura? Why so seriou- "Ew. Why are you laughing. That's, like, super creepy Hikio."

Oh...

Is.

That.

So?

* * *

[二]

 ** _Here it is. My secret spot on the roof of Soubu High that no one knows of except me. Well..._ _m_ _e and you now...Totsuka_**

"H-Hachiman...no one outside the Service Club knows what's going on right now. I've never seen them so worried before. Please Hachiman. Let me be the one that helps you this time." He pleads with his eyes gazing at my back with a worried expression on his face. I release an exalted breath at his caring response as I expected him to speak those exact words to me.

 ** _"Listen to me Totsu-...No."_** I shake my head and correct myself as I turn around to face him with a blank expression on my face. **"** _ **...S** ai_ka."

He lets out a quiet gasp at the sudden yet affectionate change of tone and formality that I gave him. "Hachi...man?"

"I thank you...Saika. You see, not to long ago, I somehow lost myself." I admit to Saika as I raise 3 fingers upward. "My voice of reason. My ways of thinking logically. My views on sanity." I lower my fingers one by one stating each of my losses as I begin to slowly walk towards him my eyes locked onto his.

"And thanks to you being there...being HERE. For ME. I have uncovered more about the character of my former self. And I couldn't have done any of this, without your help. With that being said, I can honestly say...You are my very best friend." I cease my approach a few feet away from Saika as he continues to look at me in awe.

"Which is why I keep warning you about the dangers of that admirable trust that you keep putting towards everyone here. Especially t _he...Service Club. And I should be no exception. After all."_ I slowly lean my head forwards towards his blushing face.

 _"It is the ones closest to you...That you h **ave to keep yoUr EyE oN**._ _"_ I direct my head downwards from Saika's eyes towards the ground as I close my eyes. _**"...I know that better than anyone."** _I muttered to myself.

I then feel a sudden weight on my lower chest. I open my eyes and realize that Saika is giving me a hug. _**"S-Sai** ka...what are yo-"_

*sniff* "...Hachiman." He looks up to me with tearful eyes.

My impassive face cracks for a second before softening at the sight of his crying face. _"Why so sorrowful Saika?"_ I slowly raise my hand to his face as I begin to wipe the tears of his eyes. _"Are you sad that the Hachiman yo **u once knew is gone forev-"**_

"NO! You're wrong!" He cries as he desperately raises his slender arms and place his delicate hands towards the sides of my head bringing my face closer to his own.

"You're wrong...Hachiman". His eyes slowly soften as his voice is gently reduced to a soft whisper. I continue to look at Saika with wide eyes as I registered the fact that this is the first time he has ever raised his voice towards me in such a way. I must have been really wrong according to Saika if I were to ever make him shout as me like that.

 _ **"I'm wrong? What do you mean by th** at?...Saika?" _I gently place my hand on his shoulder as I stare deeper into his eyes as I try to find the answer within him. How? How am I wrong in Saika's eyes? Wait. Could it be?

 _"Do you still think that the old me is still there inside me just waiting to come back to your life? To t **heir liVeS? Is that it?...Saika?"**_ I really don't want to assume that what I asked of him was the truth. I'm pretty sure there's other reasons out there but I just can't grasp it at the moment as I was too busy focusing my attention all on him.

"No. That's not it Hachiman." He shakes his head denying my claim in a reassuring manner. "The reason why I say that you're wrong is because...the Hachiman that I once knew..." Saika begins to explain as the light in his eyes begin to shine even brigh-.

"...Is the same Hachiman that I'm looking at right now." He finishes with the happiest expression that I have ever seen on his face.

* * *

 _[_ 二 ( _Alternate Ti **m- BOYZALUVUAHAHAHA-)]**_

"NO! You're wrong!" He shouts at me as he desperately places his soft hands towards the sides of my head and pulls me towards him closing the small gap between us as our lips connec-

Woooah. Woahwoahwowowowowwow. Hold the flip phone. That wasn't in the script. What th- *Grabs Magnifying glass* "Ebina Hina Wuz Here #BLforever"? What the f-

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAJBGDFKABVDFCIHKSVWFIBGIUAG** **FUCKINGEBINAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-**

 **.**

 **.**

 **...Its just a prank bro. Well the last few lines are. I assure you that the rest though was real...oR iS i- nahitsdefinitelyreal. (^▽^) Laterz(for real though)**

 **BTW if you did read the two previews *points up* above, may I ask which one of the writing styles is better? The Miura oneshot or the Saika oneshot? The main difference is the length of the paragraphs so...pls halp meh.**

* * *

 **Edit #2: Ah! You're here! Good. But, I'm still updating this one. Have to say. It's tough to create a !JokerHachiman. A part of me wants him to be dark and cruel like the one in GOTHAM while the other wants him to hold some hope of retaining his humanity while still being uncaring towards tHEm like the one's from those cartoons. I would blame Totsuka on the 'latter' but it could also affect the 'former' too. Ugh. I'm rambling again. It's the heat I tell you. Anyways, here's another preview of a POSSIBLE oneshot as I was attempting to create the chapter that occurs right after this thing. This oneshot's based on the 'latter.' Still applying the 'former' kind of Hachiman on this chapter though. If you noticed the small change right away, then you earned yourself a cookie...And if ya think it's a huge problem, then pls. Tell me why.**

* * *

Finally getting off that comfy, sooft, and waaaarm be-...insignificant piece of furniture, I decide to do my morning stretches to loosen up my bones. Oh Kami, that dream I had last night really did messed me up today huh? And according to how badly I woke up just now, I probably didn't get a good amount of sleep at that too. Most likely a few hours at best. Emphasis on fe-

 ***crack***

Argh! Whew. My everything feels so much better now. But I still feel kinda of sleepy though. Dammit, how much Max Coffee am I going to have to buy from the vending machine to survive this day. Finishing my morning stretches, I proceed to making special preparations for this peculiar day. Hopefully, I don't do something completely out of the ordinary in school no thanks to my drowsiness...What time is it anyways? I turn on my phone to check the ti-

*5:30 A.M*

...My phone isn't lying is it? I groggily walk towards the window to see if there is any signs of sunlight in the distanc- NOPE. It's real. It really is 5:30...well damn. I can't just go back to sleep at this time. I step away from my wonderful b-...my poor excuse of a bed as I head towards the door thinking that I probably might end up sleeping for the rest of the day if I decide to rejoin my fluffy Bed-chan again. Wait. Bed-chan?

 ** _*smack*_**

I slap my cheeks while shaking my head left and right in a poor attempt to get my act together. I must be really sleepy right now if I'm feeling affectionate towards furniture of all things. So...this is what Yuigahama feels like in a daily basis. I almost feel bad for that airhead. Almost.

Speaking of airheads, what ever happened to Komachi? All I remember is me ditching her last night after my sudden decision to run away from the Service Club. Heheh. Whoops. Now that I look back to it at a certain standpoint, it sort of appears cruel for me to just leave her like that. But can you honestly blame me? Probably. Eh. I'll check on her later. I have more than enough time to do that. I slowly open the door thinking as to how this day is going to star-

 _*thump*_

What's this? I'm pretty sure I opened the door halfway. So why did it feel like I hit something. I turn towards the end of the door as I squint eyes barely seeing a somewhat human shape in the darkness of this house. That's no wall. I swiftly bring out my phone as I use the screen's brightness to shine over the unknown figur- Wait...is that who I think it is? My eyes adjust to the darkness even further as I can now clearly see Komachi's unconscious body resting beside my door...

* * *

 **Edit #3: Psst. It isn't over yet. Here's one last POSSIBLE oneshot that popped up in my head as I was watching the Dark Knight for like the ****th time. If I were to describe it, it'd be a combination of the 'former' and the 'latter'. 'Dark' yet 'Uncaring'. More focused on the 'former' though. This IS a take on Hachiman being like Dark Night Joker after all.**

* * *

 ** _"Lets introduce this society to a little revolution, and upset this established order._ _Every little thing you once believed in will fall apart as it shows its true colors._ _That is what you call my so-called master plan...A_ _nd you know the thing about falling apart?"_**

 ** _"It's marriage."_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

In the corner of my eyes, I can see the waitress finally approach us in a frightened manner as she places the change and receipt to the table. "T-Thank you for your patronage, s-sirs." She stammers out while holding her circular serving tray up to cover the lower half of her face.

 _"Thank you for your services, ma'am."_ "Thank you for your services, ma'am."

Without looking at her, the both of us said the exact same thing to her with him glaring at me and me smiling at him at amusement. I hear the clacking of her heels fade away as she swiftly leaves our table.

 _So...wh_ ** _ere does all of this bring us at? Hm?"_** His glare slowly fades leaving a blank expression as he shifts his focus from me to the change on top of the receipt in a thoughtful manner.

He picks up the change showing me it's heads side. "I let you walk away..." Turns coin revealing Tails. "Or I'm taking you with me."

 ** _"Ah~ Now that's more like it..."_**

 _*Tinnnng*_

 ** _*Thud-*_**

 ***CLAP***

I see him slowly raise his hand covering the coin as he reveals the side that lets me...

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

He stands up from his seat right before turning his back from me while he slowly walks towards the exit of the VIP room only before pausing near it. "...I'll see you later Hikigaya. Keep the change." He adds as he turns his head to the side before finally leaving the VIP room.

 _"Chance huh?"_ I ask to myself before looking down at the coin with the heads faced upwards. _"Have to admit. Splitting everything into fifty-fifty doesn't sound so bad at all."_ I muse while picking up the coin revealing the tails side. _"Then again, it does suit the kind of p **erson that you are."**_ I turn the coin revealing the heads side once more. _**"The one who wears a mask to appease society. Only now, you're wearing both your mask and revealing your new self at the same time."**_ I turn the coin left and right before shoving it in the small gap of the two tables leaving it standing straight up as it reveals both sides simultaneously. _**"Kind of two-faced now that I think about i** t...Can you say the same..."_

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _"...Hayama?"_**


	2. Not Chapter 2:Happy Sugar Life Crossover

**Psst. If your reading this right now, then that means that you've just discovered that this isn't really in 'COMPLETE'. The only reason why it's going to remain that way is because even I don't know when my motivation in writing these will stop. So might as well lie to you and say "I'm done with this story" rather than continue to blue ball you with an 'In-Progress' story followed shortly by some apology chapter to confirm the end of this story. I may be evil, but I'm not that evil. Ya Knooooow~**

 **So yeah with this chapter 2 up and running, I can finally refer to this as a Collection of sorts about my takes in a !JokerHachiman. HOWEVER, keep in mind that this chapter isn't really canon to the main story since it's...uh...actually a crossover to the new anime: Happy Sugar Life, that's currently in it's 6th episode. It's a mini oneshot that I've wanted to get out of my head for quite some time ever since I started watching the anime, and it has been slowing me down as I was making the CANON chapter 2 of the main story...so yeah. Here ya go. And as always, ya don't have to take this seriously. Because why?...Why so serio- Oops. Almost forgot:**

 **"I do not own any of the characters of My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU/やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている...and** **Happy Sugar Life"**

* * *

 **[ _シュガ_ ]**

 _My Happy Sugar Life is Unexp **ected...heh...as Expected**_

It's been around a full week ever since that Valentine's event occurred. And so many things have happened as time passed by. They say that God created the world in 7 days. Well, I'll do the world better at the past 8 days that I've dealt with.

I've unexpectedly learned the ugly truth of our society from those I once cared for behind the closed doors of the Service Club. Shortly afterwards, my very own mind split into two separate personalities as they tried their best to repair the damage from the aftermath of that discovery. Then, my former frien- no...allie- wrong again...acquaintances...

...began to damage my flawed and unstable state of mind even further with their constant apologies and pleas for help. And in the end, my personalities did something to each other...

Something so precarious.

Something so dangerous.

Something so life-threatening...

...in a desperate attempt of giving birth to a new Hikigaya Hachiman. A Hikigaya Hachiman who's mind will never falter. A Hikigaya Hachiman, who's chances of falling to the sweet temptations of our current society are so _minuscule_ , that you might as well refer to him as _untouchable_. **_Unimaginable_**. **UnbREaKAblE. _._**.A Hikigaya Hachiman who will soon burn this cursed society down to the ground. No matter the cost. All hail Hikigaya Hachiman. All hail me.

But to me, it was only a Sunday.

Which was yesterday. And all of that brings me here now, as I walk towards the vending machine that resides in this prestigious school that is Soubu High. There's still so much time left before my 2nd year in this school is over and done with. And that means more chances for T **hOsE pEOpLe.**..to come running after me and hinder my plans. As I insert the required yen in the machine to purchase another can of Max Coffee, I couldn't help but let out a few words to express what I'm currently feeling at the moment.

 ** _"_** _Ho **w B**_ ** _itter."_**

* * *

 _"How Bitter."_

The words echo across the empty halls of Soubu High as a young girl emerges from the top of the stairs. She has bubblegum pink hair tied into two small buns with a red ribbon attached to her left bun as the rest of her hair reaches down to her hips. Her attire is composed of Soubu's female school uniform paired with a hazel-colored cardigan on top of her white shirt and underneath her buttoned up black blazer as well as a pair of dark blue socks that barely reach her knees.

The sounds of her footsteps cease as she turns her body towards the door of her designated class. Her red eyes narrow in concentration as she prepares herself in making a good impression towards her future classmates. With a quick nod to herself, she opens the door and goes inside full of confidence in her trademark false yet happy demeanor, unaware of the surprise she's about to experience in entering Class 2F.

* * *

 _"My name is Matsuzaka Sato. I'm looking forwards to being with you all in the years to come her-"_ She pauses in her introduction as she notices a certain someone in her left side. Her red eyes widen as she continues to stare in surprise at a young boy with black medium hair and an ahoge on top of his head who's currently reading a small book, covering his entire face in the process.

 _"H-Hachiman?"_

Everyone in the room including the teacher direct their attention in shock at the teenager in question who lowered his book a little showing her his dead-fish eyes. Whispers begin to spread throughout the room varying from "How the hell does this creep know this hot chick" to "He never told me about knowing any girls outside of Soubu".

 _"H-Hikigaya...Hachiman?...I-Is that really you?"_

Ignoring the background chatter, he gracefully lowers the small book to the table revealing the rest of his face while raising an eyebrow towards her in amusement at this turn of events.

 ** _"Well. Well. Well. Aren't you a sight for sore eye_** _s..."_ He pauses mid-sentence before smirking a little in remembering a certain nickname he once used to tease a certain someone in his past life. _"...Sugar~"_

She puffs her cheeks at that while ignoring the small shrieks of confusion and excitement from the class. _"Mou~ Didn't I tell you to call me that only when we're alone? Coffee-gaya no Baaaka!"_ She exclaims while leaning towards him in an intimidating manner.

 _"Ah. Sorry. It's just that..."_ He tilts his head to the side as he gives her a tender smile in reminisce unaware of the jealous looks Yuigahama and Hiratsuka are currently sending to the new transfer student. _"It's been so many year **s...since we've called each other that."**_

 _"Hmph. I suppose it can't be helped."_ She crosses her arms while pouting to the side in slight annoyance before turning her head towards him once more with a fond smile on her face.

 _"I missed you Hachiman."_

Ignoring the collection of short gasps that escaped from the mouths of his classmates as well as his homeroom teacher, he places a hand to his cheek supported by the table below his arm. **_"Yea_** _h."_ He breathes out while his eyelids lower in warm recollection of the moments he shared with her back when he was still in Junior High as he continues to stare at his source of affectio-...attention.

 _"I missed you too Sato."_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 **"EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"**

The two of them continue to stare in each other's eyes as if they are in their own little world together while the entirety of Class 2F goes wild with the homeroom teacher unable to stop it, being frozen in shock and all. For most of the people in the class, today would be the most memorable day in the history of Class 2F. But for a certain pair of individuals...

To them, it was only a Monday.

* * *

 **And there's the end of that. Is this the end of that little idea? I honestly don't know. You tell me. I have a background kind of formulated for this idea anyways. Basically what would've happened to the crazy main heroine of My Happy Sugar Life if she met a Hikigaya Hachiman in Junior High instead of the little girl, Shio Kobe. Ya know, the small loli tOoOoTaLlLY worth killing plenty of people for...Totally. And back then, Hikigaya opened her eyes to the real truths and lies to her ideals of Bitter and Sweet. Hell, you can picture Hachiman just ending the conversation as he places a spare can of Max Coffee in her hands and walks away like your typical cool protagonist as she looks back at him in loving affection...(Chapter 0 maybe? Eh?! Eeeeeh?!)**

 **Anyways, I'm still making some progress on the possible upcoming chapters. Also, how would you feel about a Hachiman who's mind is split into two individual personalities that are aware of each other's existence. Because I'm actually THIS close to making it CANON with all the amazing possibilities of future chapters popping up in my head. I still believe that Hachiman's mind is very strong. It can't be completely destroyed. Merely, shattered to pieces. In this case, two big pieces, with hundreds of pieces lying around his mindscape for them to fix.**

 **One is calm and collected showing hints of insanity, while the other...is clearly crazy. And as time passes by, both of them do 'something' to each other resulting in the ultimate !JokerHachiman. And all of that is actually thanks to Saika of all people as he opens their eyes to who they really are while they had their little heartfelt chat in the rooftop. How's that idea? Pretty neat? Pretty bad? I dunno...Eh. I'm rambling. Anyways, h** **ere's a small preview of the chapter CANON to the main story.**

* * *

 ** _Previews of various possible oneshots in the future:_**

[一]

 _"Wrong. Again. Yuigahama-san."_ I couldn't help but sigh at her assumption towards me. And she sounded so confident too. I really want to know where she gets all that confidence from. Wait...could it be?

Source: Me?...eh. Sort of.

Anyways, I might as well straighten out her thoughts now before they go on a loop. Airheads such as herself tend to do that often. I would know. I'm doing it right now actually. _"I wasn't talking about you. Ya knoo...ow."_ Oops. Almost stretched out that last bit there. Damn drowsiness of mine. Blow up already!...I hope she didn't notice that.

"W-What?"...Oh Kami I think she did. Well shi- "I thought that you were talking about me..."...Roll with it.

 _"No. I was talking about ME."_ Responding to her words in a similar tone as I point towards myself. _"I'm disappointed. In myself."_ She looks up to me in confusion. _"Why? Did you really think I was talking about you?"_ I see her break eye contact from me as she slowly lowers her head, her expression reduced to a downcast one.

 _*sigh*_ I release a sigh once more dropping my hands down to my sides while lowing my head as I shake it in exasperation. _"I expected nothing less from someone like you Yuigahama-san."_ But that's not all I can expect from you. Hell, I can bet that you're next line is going to be: 'L-like me? What do you mean by that?' GO!

"L-like me? What do you mean by that?"...Heh. I even nailed her stuttering down. You know what? Maybe I should do this more often. Seems like fun actually! Anyways, this conversation is getting way too predictable now. It's as if every single word you possess is in the palm of my hand. I can see your form tremble just waiting to be shattered as your confidence slowly dissappat- Okay quit it with this monologue. You're not the former Fifth Captain of Soul Society god dammit.

I ignore her question as I ask her one in return. _"Why do you always think it's about you? Yuigahama-san this, Yuigahama-san that? It's all about YOU...isn't it?"_ Of course, my statement is only partly wrong. I'm just saying this for the sole purpose of leading this entire conversation to it's end as quickly as possible. Just watch...

"Y-You're wron-." She shakes her head. "You're wrong Hachiman." Ah see. Even she gets it. Exactly as planned...Why do I have a sudden urge to eat some potato chips right now? I already served myself some breakfast back in my place...and it's too early to eat some snacks!

 _"Hm...yes I suppose I'm wrong on one side. This isn't just about just you, no. It's about you and tHeM...right?"_ And at long last, we have reached the end of our little chat. Sorry Yuigahama, but it's time to finish this. I do have a class to be on time for. I mean it's not like I want to give Hiratsuka-sensei a good excuse for seeing her after class or anything...bak-

 _"A word of advice for all of you if you decide to tell them of our little talk."_ Cutting myself off from another weird monologue of mine, I take a few steps forward before pausing at her side. I see her head move a little in the corner of my eye before continuing to stare into the ground once more.

 _"You should give more th_ ought...to how other people feel." Yuigahama quickly snaps her head up towards me in revelation as I recite the words she once told me a long time ago. "...How is it that you claim to know so much about me when in reality, you really don't?" I turn my head towards her looking straight into her teary eyes. "I can't stand that." I finish reciting her words before breaking off our gaze as I continue walking towards the school. "N _ot at all."_ I whisper to myself ignoring the small sobs slowly being reduced to nothing as I enter the school.

* * *

 **This particular preview had me going in circles. I don't even know if this SHOULD be canon to the main storyline. Either way, it's still an idea. Should I go for it?**

 **[?]**

 ** _"...Huh. T-That's...interesting..."_** ***THUD*** I let out before collapsing forwards to the cold tile floor.

"Hmph. Shows him. You see that! If you don't do as I say, you'll end up just like him!" ...H-Heheh. Little does he k-know~

"Now then. You! The single teacher in the room!" Pff- D-Don't laugh Hachiman. You need to hold it...for the surprise. God it hurts to monologue. Damn bullet literally took my breath away.

"Get to the window over there!" That's right Single-sensei. Listen to the soon-to-be dead man.

I open my right eye a millimeter to see sensei glance at my direction before slowly heading towards the window. Right. The time to act is almost upon me. Whatever plan I'm going to act on, I need to do it fast. After all, I can't risk letting my so called friends ruin the big surprise now can I?

"Now then..." ...three.

"It's time..." ...Two~

"To send a message" ...ONE!

I activate Stealth Hikki and Quick Burst simultaneously as time begins to slow down while I quickly stand up before rushing towards thug-san's open back. I can feel the surprise from sensei and the others at my sudden revival as I charge behind him.

 ***Grab* *** **BANG** **BANG** **BANG** **BANG** **BANG!***

Time returns to normal as I forcibly grab his gun and direct it from Single-sensei towards his shoulder for a split-second as I fire all 5 bullets at quick succession ignoring the cries of shock and one shout of pain while doing so. I can see thug-san cough out specks of blood before shakily looking towards me in a staggered form.

"...Y-You." He coughs out.

 ** _"Yes. Me."_** I snarkily remark.

 ** _*BAM*_ **"GAAAAHH!"

I deliver a savage strike to his head with the butt of the gun I've barely managed to snatch knocking him into unconsciousness.

 _ **"Me. Me...mE." *clank***_ I finish as I drop the gun ignoring the shocked expressions on my classmates' faces as I groggily walk towards the nearest wall before slowly sliding down to the floor once more. I lower my eyes drowning the cries for me as my adrenaline begins to fade away.

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 **Yeah no, I'm really unsure about this one. Because I** **believe that this little idea was inspired in a way. Hell, I'm pretty damn sure that I read a story or two involving Hachiman in a hostage situation before...AnYwAAys, I'ma go now. Still need to rearrange my ideas for the possible chapters to come. Laterz ya'll. Oh and I also forgot to mention that I might have added a few more previews in Chapter 1 as I was changing up some words left and right...S-So there.**


	3. Chapter 2: Black and White

**Huh...I'm still alive? It's already 2019 and I'm still trying. Surprise surprise. But no. I'm still putting this story as 'Complete' despite me updating this one. After all, I may lose motivation for good this time, ya knoooow~**

 **Alright this one was supposed to be the official 2nd chapter of My Teenage Romantic Comedy is a Joke as Expected. Buuut as time passed, I started to doubt myself on this peculiar execution of making a !JokerHachiman. Not to mention that all of this was ready like half a year ago. However, as the days turned into months, Season 5 of Gotham is out and STILL continuing as of now. That lead me to constantly modifying my story here and there in my Doc Manager. Not to mention my recent discovery of the Batman Who Laughs and his Dark Knight accomplices.**

 ** **Speaking of which, I have a poll up now since I'm kinda wondering about how ya'll feel about various Dark Night Hachimans under the "command" of a fallen Rom-Com God. I would highly recommend reading the Batman Who Laughs comics to get a basic understanding of what I'm trying to pull off. Cuz HOLY SHIT is **the Batman Who Laugh** interesting as hell! I already created short summaries for each and every Dark Night in my profile anyways.****

 **Back to the matter at hand, what I'm trying to say that this chapter will have NUMEROUS flaws here and there. Hell, it might be replaced later on. Depends on you jolly good folk really. Prepare for yourself for possible cringe. You have been warned.**

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[?'s Mind]

 _"Haaaachimaaaan...Haaaachimaaaan...HAAACHI-"_

 ** _"Oh will you cease this foolishness of yours already."_** A figure appears from the darkness revealing a creature of average height with pitch black skin and pure white medium hair with an ahoge freely sticking up on top of it. His attire is composed of a trenchcoat alongside a pair of formal shoes and gloves who's colors are the exact opposite of his skin.

 ** _"He is NOT going to wake up anytime soon."_** He pauses before raising a hand to the front of his eyes as he slowly removes the pair of emerald-colored teashades that's been covering his bright purple eyes. **_"Well, not with anyone in the controls at the moment."_** He finishes while looking around as he begins to observe his surroundings.

 _"Oh reeeeally now~?"_ Another individual slowly appears at the opposite end as it approaches the other figure. This one can easily pass as the other being's exact twin, only that his colors of black and white are completely switched. And unlike the other individual, he is wearing a snow-colored hat rather than a pair of teashades thus covering his black medium hair. He tilts his hat upwards revealing his Vermilion-colored eyes towards his twin. _"You mean to tell me that the Original is final-"_

 ** _"-ly gone? Yes."_** The dark one cuts him off as he turns to his smiling counterpart. **_"And at same time, no."_** The pale one stops smiling as he frowns a little in confusion. **_"We ARE still here after all. So technically speaking, the Original can never truly disappear..."_** He muses before snorting to himself at another thought that popped up in his head. **_"Hmph. Well unless either one of us decided to cease existing that is."_**

 _"Ooooh~ Is that so? Then what WOULD happen if both of us were to disappear?"_ He asks of him as if he began considering to make that thought a reality.

 ** _"Then no one will be able to control our body."_** He answers while deadpanning at his opposite for even asking such a ridiculous question. **_"Thus leaving him at a permanent state of coma. He might as well be dead."_** He mutters before turning his back from his counterpart as he looks down in deep thought about his recent statement.

Even if he didn't want to admit it, he was actually clueless of what would happen to his body if both of them were to die right here, right now. All he did was grasp at straws and made a calculated bluff for the sake of looking like he was fully aware of his current situation. After all, if his pale counterpart were to ever think of opposing him, he needed to show him that he is the one with the superior intellect out of the two. And disposing of the more intelligent one, would be anything but fruitless.

 _"Coma?! Ha! So basically, if I were to kill the both of us right here and now, he'd end up as a brain-dead vegetable?! Oh that's just hilarious! AHAHAHAHAHA!"_ He exclaims while clutching his sides in laughter at the sudden realization.

The dark one looks up from the ground as he turns to his maniacal twin, deadpanning once more at his senile proposal. **_"...It's not that funny. Interesting sure...but no. Just no."_**

The white being simply raises an eyebrow at that while crossing his arms. _"You do know that saying 'it's not that funny' would mean that it IS funny, right? Just...not as much as how I found it to be..."_ He trails off as his opposite gives him a small glare of annoyance. _"Oh whatever ya party-pooper. Kill all my fun why don't you. Anyways, what do we do now?"_ He uncrosses his arms before raising an arm forwards in a manner of wanting to hear whatever suggestions his opposite is about to propose.

He would propose a few ideas of his own, but that would give away the possibility of himself being just as capable of making smart decisions as his twin. He'd prefer to play his cards as little as possible for the sake of surprise at the most decisive moment where his dark twin decides to off him once and for all.

 ** _"What happens now, is that YOU will proceed to live his life while I repair all the damage in his mi- No. That's not it..."_** He shortly breaks eye contact with him while looking upwards as he proceeds to correct himself. **_"Our mind. Yes, it's OUR mind now."_** He ends with a short nod towards his twin.

 _"Our mind eh? Have to say. That doesn't sound so ba- Wait a minute."_ He pauses in sudden realization to a certain detail that the other one just said. _"What do you mean damage?"_

 ** _"Look around you. What do you see my dear counterpart?"_** He asks of him while raising his arm towards their surroundings.

 _"...Nothing."_

 **"...Really?"**

 _"Weeeell nothing wrong that is. If you ask me, I think all of this is perfectly normal..."_ He mumbles to himself with little assurance.

 ** _"Again. Really? With the the holes down there. The gaps up there. Not to mention the numerous cracks that surround us even as we speak. And you'd still say that it is, and I quote, 'perfectly normal'?"_** He asks of him before shaking his head in disbelief. **_"Only you..."_**

 _"Oh don't be such a buzzkill. It ain't so bad like this. Why not leave it be and just move on already?"_ He placates while moving his hand up and down in a assuring manner.

 ** _"Alright, first of all. Saying the words, 'It ain't so bad', would automatically assume that it IS bad, despite being at a low level."_** The pale one proceeds to give the dark one a look saying 'you're no better than I am'. **_"And second, not a chance in hell. If I were to ever take control of this body with this current state of mind, the possibility of me having my emotions get the better of me would increase tenfold."_**

The white being's face lights up in remembering a certain moment. _"Oh yeah? Like the time you took over our body back when I was in control at the Service Club?"_ He asks of him while smirking in satisfaction at his twin's disgusted reaction.

 ** _"Ugh. Please. Don't remind me of that."_** The dark one grasps his head shaking it in exasperation towards his past action. **_"It was completely out of character for me t-"_**

 _"To just shout at the top of your lungs? Especially at our 'precious little sister', Komachi-san?"_ He cuts off while secretly enjoying the look of self-loathing on his counterpart's face before continuing on. _"I have to admit, I was quite surprised to have been taken control of, let alone seeing someone other than me do that with my bod-"_

 ** _"Hold your tongue."_** The dark one cuts him off in return with an irritated glare.

The pale one opens his mouth...

 ** _"I said HOLD IT!"_** He shouts out in vexation.

...before deciding to shut it once more.

 ** _"...I am not referring to the moment where I raised my voice at Komachi in such a manner. It was the mere fact that I, of all people, showed my true colors to the last people I wanted to interact with right at the very start."_** He narrows his eyes at that.

 _"Huh. So that's why you...um."_ He trails off awkwardly.

 ** _"Took the controls out of your hands so abruptly as I did? Exactly. After all, I HAD just woken up the second our memories were brought back. And when I did, I couldn't help but give in to the urge to...to..."_** The dark being pauses, unable to finish his thought at his past actions back at the Service Club.

 _"Say no more. I know exactly what you're trying to say. After all, I am the first out of the two of us to 'wake up'. So I can't really blame you on the running away part. Live to fight another day right?"_ He raises his arms to the side while shrugging towards his opposite in a complying manner. It looks like his dark twin isn't as composed as he thought out to be. Pretty sure he'd agree that working together would be better in the long term rather than secretly against one another.

 ** _"...Yeah."_** He mutters in agreement as he looks to the side in slight embarrassment. So, his white counterpart isn't as insane as he lets out to be. After all, he was able to call out his own bluff...despite himself doing the same thing. With that in mind, would it really hurt to believe that working alongside him will be far easier than he initially thought? Not at all.

 _"Sooo. Ummmm. *CLAP* How long do you think it'll take for you to fix all of this then?"_ He exclaims while clapping his hands in a way of keeping the conversation running.

 ** _"Hm? Oh right! The time required to restore our mind. Yes. Well...I'm not quite sure really."_** He thinks to himself while placing his index finger near his lips in a contemplating manner. If he were to trust his twin, he needs to deal his cards accordingly. So to start off, he might as well admit his real thoughts on the situation.

 _"You? Not sure? Will wonders never cease..."_ He drawls while rolling his eyes in exaggerated amazement. So, he finally admits it. Jeez. No need to be so embarrassed. I'm about as clueless as you are, ya knooow~

 ** _"You have to understand. Our mind in currently in shambles. So the time required to put things back together is unknown. It could take a week, a month, hell maybe even a year to fix all of this. If luck is on our side though, it might take just a few hours at best."_** He crosses his arms while tilting his head at the thought.

The white one purses his lips at that. _"Well. You're the brains here outa the two of us so, good luck to you there."_

 ** _"Hmph. Don't be absurd."_** He snorts to himself at his opposite's proclamation. He thinks he can still bluff at this time. No. Their little game of lies and deceit is all but lost. That's the flaw of playing your cards too late against someone who'd play their cards too early.

 ** _"We're both equal in intelligence, strength, and even luck. The only thing that's different between the two of us is that I actually care about what happens to me and at the same time, can't give the time of day to whatever occurs around me."_** He explains before turning towards his counterpart in a sharp yet mocking manner. ** _"You on the other hand, seem to feel the exact opposite of what I feel...Or am I wrong?"_**

 _"No. No, you're right...You're absolutely righ-"_ He inquires before lighting up in realization. _"Wait a minute. Wouldn't that mea-?"_

 ** _"Yes."_** The dark one affirms as he cuts him off once again. **_"You're way of thinking is a tad bit closer to the late Original's compared to my own."_**

 _"And yet, you're giving the controls to ME?"_ He asks while looking at him in a puzzled manner, wondering if his counterpart's insanity is greater than his own. _"...What if I were to mess up like the Original, huh?"_

 ** _"I have the utmost confidence that you won't repeat the same mistakes as the Original. You are far better that that."_** He assures him while waving his arm in a placating manner. **_"However, if you were to walk the same path as the Original, then I would simply take the controls from your inconsistent hands as I divert the path elsewhere before continuing to repair our mind."_** He finishes while giving his twin a look that promises danger if he were to mess up.

 _"There's always a Plan B with you isn't there?"_ He ignores the look his equal gave as he ponders to himself. _"Well, you do you I guess. Thanks for the vote of confidence though."_

 ** _"Not at problem. Just, be careful at this time around."_** He gives his twin another warning look. **_"You're still susceptible to being taken over by raw emotions. Let them be from those you interact with or from yourself. And the fact that you're even similar to the Original more than I am doesn't help one bit."_**

 _"Wow. You really care about yourself that much huh?"_ He smirks a little with crossed arms before leaning forwards as he points his right hand supported with his left arm towards his counterpart in a questioning manner. _"Well then, how would YOU fight against the emotions that you're so scared of anyways?"_

The dark one smiles at that. **_"Well that's elementary. All you have to do i-"_**

 ***RING!***

 _"...What the hell was that?"_ The pale being asks in a half-curious half-startled fashion while looking around to find the source of that unexpected sound.

 ** _"Huh. Must be the alarm clock that I set up before I headed to bed."_** He answers while raising an eyebrow in surprise. **_"The fact that it's ringi-"_**

 ***RIING!***

 ** _"...ringing must mean that's it's already morning at this point."_** He continues while ignoring the smug grin his twin is giving him. **_"Well then, I suppose that means that it's time for us to part ways...for now."_** He finishes while shrugging to himself in small satisfaction.

 _"What?! W-Wait!"_ The pale one shouts while raising a hand towards his counterpart in a way of stopping him from leaving. _"You still haven't even answered my original question though. Remember? Emotions are bad? Fight against it? Ring any bel-?"_

 ***RIIING!***

 _"OH COME ON!"_ He shouts out once more, raising his arms up high while looking around in annoyance as he fails to notice the smug look the dark one gives to him in a small form of revenge.

 ** _"Heheh. Just remember back when the Original was dealing with the emotions in that room where everyone was m̶a̴k̸i̸n̸g̷ ̶V̶a̶l̴e̶n̴t̴͒ͅi̷͍͒ṉ̸̾e̴̪̅'̶͓̿ś̷͍ ̶͓͌c̵͓͉̏o̶̢̲̤̞̩͈̓̽͜͝ò̴̥̞̖̿k̸͚̘̗̯̹̖̩̃͋̏̍͋̇̚͝ì̴̛͚̱̮̼́̂͠͝e̵̖̹͉̣̝͇̱͈̍̉̂ͅs̵̨̼̪͕̓ͅ.̵̲̫͌͋̊̆̔͜ ̷̹͊ͅT̴̎́́̉̕ͅh̶̢̦̦͓̟͙̠̤̲̀̂͆̀̄̉͜͠i̶̮̩̞̟̖̲̍̚n̴͍̱̬͓̆̉̂̈́͝k̶̪͔̙̤̝̱̔̔̑̋̑̕͝ ̶̨̨͕̹̟̯̀ͅã̷̢͈̮͔̲̦̹͓̆͊̈́́͐́̾̄b̸͕͔͇̘̩̠̳͎̱̬̱̏̍͆̇̾̀̌͐͠ö̵̧͙̻̱̩̅͒͛̈́̈͘͘ư̸̜̤̳̹̼͑́͌͒͋̀͒̇̚t̵̯͈̭̱͔͍͖̾͂͛̿̓̚ ̷͚̱̞̜͙̲͘t̸̳͂͊̊͗͌̉́͂̂ḧ̷̢́̽a̴̼̖͉͖̮̅́͛̽̈̅̌͝t̴̢͂̈́̌͌̔̉̀̊͠ ̸̡̬̮̜͕͚̳̥̗͖̏͂̈̑̒̀͂ä̸̢̮̰̫̲̟̩̳̝̜͍́̀̐̀͐n̷̨̛̜͆̾̏̅͒d̵̨̘̙̖̲̫̝͆͜ ̶̛͓͎͚͚͈͎̌͑̐̓̅̆̊y̶͓̎̃͐̓̇̀͊̇́͛̾ǫ̵͓̦̹͒̀ͅu̷͚͎̭̯̬͚̙͌̾͠'̵̘̮̗̝̺̘̻̣͊͋̅͗̑̈́̀͠͝l̷̨̦̠̳͗̆̎̒̒̀l̶̬̟̃̑̆̀͒̋̈́̏̇͒͑ ̶̛͔̠̲́̍͂̕d̷̺̤̦̘͖͕͕͎̲̋̇̚͝ͅo̷̦̭͋̃͜͝ ̶̣̌̈́̂͒͆̉̃j̴̢̛̟̬̘̺̉͐͒͋͘u̷̪̹̼̲̪͓̭̖͓͕͑̒s̶̈͌͗̉̈͜t̶͉̦̗̭̻̱͓̥̊ ̸̧̖̫̬͍̖̥̲̘͖̉f̶̡̠̮͔̫̱̞̖̗́̾̄͜i̷̩̝͚̋͑͛̾̀͌̆͂͒͗͘n̷̡̛̛̤̺̼͕̜̫̤̠͕͂̀̓́͌̚͜-̴̘̂̄͐̚͝!̵̧̜̠̠̩͎̽̀͂̅̉!̴̢͉͙̥͕̲̙͓̝̤̣̏͆͘͝!̶̢̪͓̥̩̓͆̈̄̌̄̌͌"_**

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 **[** _Hachiman's POV_ **]**

 ***-NG!*...*RIIIING!*...*RIIIING!*...*RIIIIN-!* *BEEP!* *BEEp!* BEep!* Beep.* *beep.* *bzzt.* *...***

 _"...Ugh."_ I groan in pain while lowering my phone's volume until it reaches silent mode before opening my eyes. What the hell did he say at the end there? I didn't quite get that last bit. _"I know I just woke up and all. But, why does it feel like I didn't get any sleep."_ Muttering to myself as I recall the interrupted conversation I had with the other me last night. That talk must be the reason why I'm feeling very drowsy even though my body is clearly feeling well-rested. All I got out of that guy was something about the Original and Valentine's cooki-...

Wait. That's it!

He must have been warning me about the 'danger of emotions' due to whatever the hell happened back at the cookie baking room where everything turned into chaos...Eh. No worries there. Just like the Original, I, too, care little about the insults that come my way. The main difference between him and I, is merely the experience of losing oneself to the swarm of slander. And like the other me has said before. I'm simply better than that. Buuut, enough thinking about the past. What's done...is done.

Finally getting out of my comfy bed, I decide to do a couple of morning stretches to loosen up my bones. So. This is what's it's like to live the life of Hikigaya Hachiman. Ahhh~ I could get used to thi-

 ***crack***

Gah! Oh Kami, that talk I had last night really did mess me up this morning huh? And according to how badly I woke up just now, I probably didn't get a good amount of sleep at that too. Most likely a few hours at best. Emphasis on fe-

 ***crack***

Argh! Whew. My everything feels so much better now. But I still feel kinda of sleepy though. Dammit, how much Max Coffee am I going to have to buy from the vending machine to survive this day.

Finishing my morning stretches, I proceed to making special preparations for this peculiar day. Hopefully, I don't do something completely out of the ordinary in school no thanks to my drowsiness...What time did he set the alarm anyways? I turn on my phone to check the ti-

"12:00 A.M"

...My phone isn't lying is it? I groggily walk towards the window to see if there is any signs of sunlight in the distanc- NOPE. It's real. It really is 12:00...

WHAT THE HELL?! Why would he want me to wake up around this time? It's too damn early! Well great, I can't just go right back to sleep. It's too late for that now that I'm locked out of my own mind...However, I might just use this early start of today to my favor. Yes, I can use this juuust fine. I can see the many advantages of waking up early at THIS particular day. This brings opportunities to plan out various scenarios that require little to no spoilers about the...predicament...that I experienced last night. Eheheheheheh. So many choices, so many results, and...so much time to spare?

Huh. I see now. Last night, my twin must have already predicted me planning out the possible events for today. Which explains the alarm clock going off at almost 12 in the morning. Oh that clever little...Then again, he is the type of person that shows off his skills at the beginning and somehow ends up with satisfying results in the end. Hmph. He really is my opposite.

Cutting myself off of my thoughts about future plans and twins, I head towards the door thinking about what food I should make at this time. Well, since Komachi's most likely still sleeping at this hour. I mean, who in their right mind would wake up this early. Or rather, stay up this late. Then again...that logic wouldn't apply to me. With my mind shattered into many pieces as it is.

As I reach the door, I silently grasp the doorknob and slowly twist it open before gently pushing the open door outwards. It won't hurt to be too careful here. Since a certain someone is most likely going to approach me the moment she's woken u-

 _*thump*_

That was...quick. I'm pretty sure I barely opened the door halfway. So why did it feel like I hit something. As I exit my room, I turn towards the end of the door while squinting eyes, barely seeing a somewhat human shape in the darkness of this house. That's no wall. I swiftly bring out my phone as I use the screen's brightness to shine over the unknown figur- Wait...is that who I think it is? My eyes adjust to the darkness even further as I can now clearly see Komachi's unconscious body resting beside my door...

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I...don't even know what to make of this. No really. I don't. Why would she decide to sleep here of all places? She does have a room right next to my own that has a very relaxing bed...Eh. I can worry about that later. First things first. Have to get her to bed. After all, what would Kaa-san and Tou-san say to me if they where to find out that I left my precious little sister laying down on the cold wooden floor right outside of my room in the middle of the nigh- No. More like early in the morning. Yeah. That's it.

Carefully picking up her frail body with my phone clenched in my teeth as it barely illuminates the house, I walk towards her room while thanking the Rom-Com Gods above for having her door open for my convenience. My arms are currently occupied as it is. I gently lay her body onto her bed before reaching for the blankets as I slowly tuck her i-

 _"Onii-chan."_

A whisper escapes from the lips of a sleeping Komachi, the single word echoing throughout the room before silence envelops it once more. Heh. I don't mind you dreaming about your Onii-chan but that frown of yours isn't helping. I have to wonder. Is it because you still see me as a disgu **stInG sIScOn?.**..Hopefully, you'll end up dreaming about something else other than me. That might help turn that frown upside down.

 _"Sweet dreams Komachi-chan."_ I whisper to her sleeping form as I bring a finger to a strand of her messy hair, moving it back to it's original position before turning around and leaving her room. Hm. I feel that I'm missing something here...Eh. Why not I suppose. Just in case. I turn around and walk towards her bedside once again as I set up her alarm clock before finally heading back to the door. As I exit the room, I gently close the door shut, missing the small yet sad smile that appeared on her face.

Well! Now that's over and done with, it's time to move on with my real preparations. Preparations involving stealthy showers and secret homemade dinne- er breakfasts while sneaking around this house. Might as well dedicate my entire morning to one giant stealth mission. A mission that I would prefer not to fail at any costs. Stealth Hikki, don't fail me now. For the sake of my future plans that may or may not involve four teenagers and two women...with one of them still being unmarried to this day.

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[Hiratsuka Household]

As Hiratsuka stares at the TV, drinking her 4th beer with great vigor while the taste of alcohol envelops in her mouth, she couldn't help but twitch her eyebrows a little, feeling that someone out there is making fun of her single life right now. Before widening her eyes a little and pausing her drinking as she tries her best to hold back a stray tear threatening to escape from her eyes...

She's had enough crying moments ago as it is.

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[Soubu High School]

 **"HIKKIIII!"**

What...Why? How? Yuigahama usually goes to school later than the average student. I know this. She knows this. Her friends know th-

"H-HIKKI! WAIT UP!" I see Yuigahama running as fast as she can towards my direction the moment I entered school grounds. Urk. Please don't shout out my name. I really don't want to hear more background chatter involving little old me. I already had enough of that this morning. Or is it last night? Whatever I suppose. I'm still too sleepy to give a damn right now.

 _"Konnichiwaaa. Soshite, sayooonara (Hello. And, goodbye.)"_ I drawl before walking past her, my body somewhat swaying left and right in a lazy manner. Sorry Yuigahama, but I'm still somewhat tired at the moment. And besides, I have other things to deal with right now. Like surviving the first class of the day before reuniting with Max Coffee-chan. So don't mind me if I just sliiide over he-

 _*!*_

Hm? Did she just do what I think she just did? I look down to my side to see an arm firmly clenched onto mine before tilting my head a little in deep thought of this peculiar action of hers.

Well. WelL. wELl...Ignoring the steadily growing pain in my arm, I have to admit I'm genuinely _-Heheh...Genuine-_ surprised as to how she's being more physical towards me than usual. Especially out here in the open for anyone to see. Must be really urgent then. Most likely due to what I discovered last ni-

"Hikki. Please hear me out...please."

You do realize that you just said please twice right? _*sigh*_ Fine then. I suppose I can spare a minute or two. With me being a nice guy and all. Then I'll be on my way. I calmly raise my head up towards Yuigahama, silently telling her that I won't be leaving anytime soon so she can speak her mind.

"I know I going to sound really pathetic right now...a-and I don't have the right to say this...but p-please...Don't be angry at me!" She bows her head at me as she finishes her plea towards me.

 _"Yuigahama..."_ I see her raise her head a little while still somewhat bowing towards me. _"First...stop bowing at me. You're going to make a scene."_

She hesitantly stops bowing towards me as she continues to look at me in a frightened manner. As if I was going to leave her right of the bat the second I finish talking to her. Psh. Of course not. It's too early. Give it time. Now where was I? Ooooh that's right! _"And second..."_ I lean towards her a little breaking my blank expression with a curious gaze on my face.

 _"What's this nonsense you're blatherin- er...um...Watcha talking about anyways?"_ Phew. Almost forgot to tone down the vocabulary here. _-Nice save-_ Don't want Yuigahama to misinterpret the big words coming out of my smart mouth again now do I?

"Hikki! I-I'm begging you to not be m-mad at me anymore. I...I don't think my heart can take it much longe-"

 _"Mad? Me? Why would I be mad?"_ Sorry to cut you off like that but, does she really think I'm mad? Really? At this time of day? At her of all people?...Why would I be feeling mad right now let alone directed towards her to begin with? This makes zero sense to me.

"What?! Y-You're not mad at me?" What's with that look of surprise? And is that relief I'm seeing there? Of course I'm not mad. Why would sh- oh...Oooh! I think that she's referring to my little incident last night. Sorry for my slow understanding. It's the sleepiness I tell you. Oh Yuigahama, I assure you that I'm not mad. It's actually something else entirely.

 _"Oh of course I'm not mad at you Yuigahama. I'm just feeling...ah what's the word I'm looking fooooooo- DISAPPOINTMENT! Yeah that's it. I'm just disappointed is all."_ Whoops. Sorry for startling you there with that sudden shout. I'm currently in airhead mode. You can relate I'm sure. But yeah, disappointment would be the better term to describe what I'm feeling right now. Disappointment towards the start of today. Disappointment towards my constant drowsiness. And of course, disappointment towar-

"Hikki...I know that I have been the best of friends lately _-Understatement of the century right here-_ , and I know you have to right to be disappointed in me...A-After all that I've done to you." Would it kill your dog, Sable, to not cut me off during my inner monologues. It's my way of gathering my thoughts. And they're still currently jumbled up in here after all this time. And no. I'm not feeling disappointment towards YOU. Why does she always assume that it's about her anyways? _*sigh*_

 _"Wrong. Again. Yuigahama."_ I couldn't help but sigh at her assumption towards me. And she sounded so confident too. I really want to know where she gets all that confidence from. Wait...could it be?

Source: Me?...eh. Sort of.

Anyways, I might as well straighten out her thoughts now before they go on a loop. Airheads such as herself tend to do that often. I would know. I'm doing it right now actually.

 _"I wasn't talking about you. Ya knoo...ow."_ Oops. Almost stretched out that last bit there. Damn drowsiness of mine. Blow up already!...I hope she didn't notice that.

"W-What?"...Oh Kami I think she did. Well shi- "I thought that you were talking about me..."...Roll with it.

 _"_ _No. I was talking about ME."_ Responding to her words in a similar tone as I point towards myself. _"I'm disappointed. In myself."_ She looks up to me in confusion. _"Why? Did you really think I was talking about you?"_ I see her break eye contact from me as she slowly lowers her head, her expression reduced to a downcast one.

 _*sigh*_ I release a sigh once more dropping my hands down to my sides while lowing my head as I shake it in exasperation. _"I expected nothing less from someone like you Yuigahama."_ But that's not all I can expect from you. Hell, I can bet that you're next line is going to be: 'L-like me? What do you mean by that?' GO!

"L-like me? What do you mean by that?"

...Heh. I even nailed her stuttering down. You know what? Maybe I should do this more often. Seems like fun actually! Anyways, this conversation is getting way too predictable now. It's as if every single word you possess is in the palm of my hand. I can see your form tremble just waiting to be shattered as your confidence slowly dissappat- Okay quit it with this monologue. You're not the former Fifth Captain of Soul Society, ya knoo- stop that already.

I ignore her question as I ask her one in return. "Why do you always think it's about you? Yuigahama this, Yuigahama that? It's all about YOU...isn't it?" Of course, my statement is only partly wrong. I'm just saying this for the sole purpose of leading this entire conversation to it's end as quickly as possible. Just watch...

 _"Y-You're wron-."_ She shakes her head. _"You're wrong Hachiman."_ Ah see. Even she gets it. Exactly as planned...Why do I have a sudden urge to eat some potato chips right now? I already served myself some breakfast back in my place...and it's too early to eat some snacks!

 _"Hm...yes I suppose I'm wrong on one side. This isn't just about just you, no. It's about you and tHeM...right?"_ And at long last, we have reached the end of our little chat. Sorry Yuigahama, but it's time to finish this. I do have a class to be on time for. I mean it's not like I want to give Hiratsuka-sensei a good excuse for seeing her after class or anything...bak-

 _"A word of advice for all of you if you decide to tell them of our little talk."_ Cutting myself off from another weird monologue of mine, I take a few steps forward before pausing at her side. I see her head move a little in the corner of my eye before continuing to stare into the ground once more.

 _"You should give more th_ ought...to how other people feel."

Yuigahama quickly snaps her head up towards me in revelation as I recite the words similar to what she once told me a long time ago.

"...How is it that you claim to know so much about me when in reality, you really don't?" I turn my head towards her quivering form as I look straight into her teary eyes.

"I can't stand that." I finish reciting her words before breaking off our gaze as I continue walking towards the school. "N _ot at all."_ I whisper to myself ignoring the small sobs slowly being reduced to nothing as I enter the school.

* * *

 **[YUI- POV]**

...Hikki.

 **You should give more thought to how other people feel!**

I-Is this what you felt back in the festival? Back when you confessed to Hina-chan. Back when Yukino-chan and I left you after seeing it unfold...Hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much. I...I don't think I can take it anymore...

 **How is it you understand so much, but you don't understand that?!**

Don't leave me...please...turn around...don't go...

 **...I can't stand that.**

H-Hikki...Hikki...Hikki! HIKKI! I'M SO SORRY!

 _*thud*_

"YUI-CHAN!"

I feel my legs give out as I drop down to the floor barely hearing Yumiko-chan call out to me as I feel her grab onto my shoulder with her other arm wrapped around my waist. _"Gomenasai."_ I whisper to myself before slowly succumbing to darkness as I barely hear a faint ringing sound at the back of my hea-

* * *

 ***RIIIING***

Oh thank Kami, class is over. Now I can finally retreat towards the rooftop for some peace and quiet...kinda sad now that I think about it. Having the rooftop of this school as my only safe-haven at the moment. All my other secret spots I've managed to procured over the years have been fully exposed to the public. And the culprit is none other than me. Or rather, Alter Me- Wait no, that designation of my past self actually sounded cool...Old Me. There, much better. Sounds more generic and bland as oatme- er ramen.

Anyways, I've been getting bugged more often today compared to my usual days in this place of learning and forging bond-...place of learning. Apparently, Komachi kept banging on the door all night last night, I've been receiving constant texts and phone calls throughout the ENTIRE morning, I've been stared at by the corner of one's eye courtesy of Sensei during homeroom and now, Yuigahama keeps on giving these not-so-secret apologetic glances towards me. It's kind of irritating to be honest. How the other teachers fail to notice it, I have no idea.

Whatever. What's done is done. For it is impossible to change one's actions in the past. Those who think otherwise should look in a mirror and think about how utterly insane they are. Unless of course, you are a mad scientist with the potential to travel through time, then by all means make the impossible possible. Fuah ha ha ha h-

"Hikio!" I hear Miura call out to me as she stomps towards my desk. Oi. Quit with the stomping. What are you, Godzilla? Will I be reduced to ashes by a blue radiated beam once you open your big mouth again?...heh. Jokes aside, I look up towards her with an eyebrow raised silently asking her what's going on...And why should I even car-

"Have you noticed Yui-chan acting strange today?"

I tilt my head at her wondering whether I should just straight up tell her the truth or say that it's none of her business. Hm...If I told her the truth many weeks ago, then she probably would believe me. But I have helped her before with her clique issues a while back. So no. She probably wouldn't believe me if I spoke the truth. The latter it is then. Just to be safe. Besides, it's not like I'm lying to her or anything.

 _"Sorry Miura. I'm not the type of person to kiss and tell. It'd be best if you go ask her yourself if your so worried."_ I already had a feeling that she did go to her to ask what's wrong. But I'm pretty sure that all she got from her were tears and sobs resulting from a certain someone.

Source: Me...Oh what am I saying. I'm not to blame here. More like Source: Look at a mirro-

"Eh?! K-Kiss?!" She exclaims with a shocked expression on her face as she begins to look left and right in a frantic manner.

...Seriously? That's all you got out of what I just said to you? How exactly did you end up in Soubu High anyways? Wait. How did Yuigahama end up in Soubu High...How did Tobe en- Meh. Not that it matters. Since I won't being seeing any of them anymore by the time 2nd year ends.

 _"Oi. Oi. Get you head out of the gutter. I didn't kiss her if that's what on your mind right now. Is that truly the only thing you got out of that."_ I really need to lower my expectations of others in this place. Well, with the exceptions of Zaimokuza I suppose. At least he's useful when I need him the most. And of course, the pure white angel Totsuk-

"HI-KI-O! Do you! Or do you not! Know of what's going on right now with Yui-chan!" She shouts at me as she slams a hand on my desk.

 **How dArE yOU**...Not only did you cut off my thoughts about Totsuka. Not only did you damage my ears with your supersonic screeching. You also hurt Table-kun with your right claw of infernal hellfire. Damned Fire Queen of Soubu. Apologize to Totsuka and my table alongside my ears at once. Especially Totsuka!

...Oh? You won't? Well then. Too can play this game.

" _Fine. Fine. If you want to know that badly then I'll tell you."_

I see Miura slowly bend towards me and in the corner of my eye, the eavesdropping classmates of mine are mimicking the same action as well. Alright then everyone. Listen up.

 _"It's..."_

They hold their breaths bringing silence to the room as they wait for me to finish talking. Heheh. Sorry folks but it's-

 _"..None of your business."_ I finish while bringing my focus down to Table-kun.

 ***SLAM***

I see Miura slam her other hand to the table _-No! Please spare Table-kun-_ as I hear a few other slams in the background occur at the same time. Hm? Did they all just face-fault? I thought that only happens in anime. My eyes widen a bit in revelation. Wait a second. What if...I'M ANIM-

 _"_ I'm being serious here Hikio!"

I can't help but chuckle at her response to my totally-not-serious answer towards her. Oh what's wrong Miura? Why so seriou-

 _"_ Ew. Why are you laughing. That's, like, super creepy Hikio."

Oh...

Is.

That.

So?

 _"Hmph. So serious. It's that infamous attitude of yours that makes you so...unapproachable."_ In all seriousness, why? Why so serious? What good comes out of being in a constant state of seriousness. It's people like you Miura who needs to simply...let loose every now and then.

"W-What did you just sa-?"

 _"Oi."_ I cut her off, slowly getting up off my seat as I stand in front of Miura's startled form. Don't be startled. It's not like I'm offended or anything. All you said were nothing but words. Just words. Offensive words. About me. Nothing new here really. Plenty of people do that often. Heh, especially here in Soubu High.

 _"Tell you what. Try insulting me again, but this time...try it with a smile?"_ I ask of her while waving my arm to the side in an offering demeanor.

"..."

Well...this is awkward.

 _*sigh* "Well that's to be expected. You only smile when you're ridiculing those lesser than you...Of course you'd know what it's like, being in the receiving end and all back in our Freshman Year, isn't that right..."_ I ask myself while turning my head towards the door behind Miura.

 _"...Yuigahama-eavesdropper-san that's standing behind that door?"_ I exclaim in an exceedingly loud voice.

A tiny 'eep' shortly emits out of said door as a hand appears in the edge of it, slowly sliding it open as guilty-looking Yuigahama enters the classroom with her hands clasps together in front of her, making a 'V' shape with her arms in the process.

"Yu-Yui-chan?"

"Ya-Yahallo". She greets Yumiko without her usual bubbly voice before turning to me. "H-Hikki...How did yo-" _"...know you were there?"_ I finish her question with an curious expression plastered onto my face.

Does she not remember what happened last night? I mean I know she's an airhead and all but come now. And besides, my Hikki Scanner was currently active throughout the entire conversation. Another skill that the Original fails to use every now and then.

 _"Well, if memory serves..."_ I pause while leaning towards her with wide eyes, my hands clasp together behind my back. " _I, too, was is a similar position that you were in just now."_ Yuigahama flinches in remembrance before ducking her head down in an effort to hold back more tears.

"Yui-chan? What's he talking about this time?" She breaks eye contact from me as she turns her head towards the girl in question.

 _"Really Yuigahama? You haven't told her yet? About everything that we've gone through last night? Don't tell me you've forgotten about the moment we shared back in the Service Club?"_ I drawled in a suggestive yet somewhat exaggerating tone, my head turned to the side while forcing a convincing blush into my cheeks as I repeatedly blink my eyes to emphasize my false embarrassment.

.

.

.

 ** _"E-EEEHHHHHHH?!"_**

Miura alongside the eavesdropping audience that is my classmates let out a scream of shock as I blurt out a truthful yet misunderstanding reference to a yesterday's events. Yuigahama just stands there in shock with a hint of embarrassment, making an expression similar to a fish out of water _-Ha! Dead fish-_ as her mouth repeatedly opens and shuts.

 _"Geez. I was just joking."_ My fake expression fades from my face, my hands returning to their original position at my sides as I turn back to the blushing Yuigahama with a bored expression. " _Honestly, it's ridiculous to how easy it is to start up a rumor here. Like that one stupid rumor involving the ice queen and the fake prince."_ I mutter to myself at the very end.

In the corner of my eye, I can see Miura straighten up in a way of recovering from that little truth-disguised-as-a-lie before turning her head back at me with a small blush on her cheeks. "S-So you were just lying right?" She stammers out, her eyes blinking in a hopeful manner.

 _"Hm? Who said I was lying?"_

"What?! W-Wait a minute. What moment are you two talking about anyways?"

 _"You're going to have to be more specific..."_

"That just makes it more confusing!"

 _"Kidding again. Miura, has anybody ever told you that you're so gullible."_

"Ah Mou~! I don't even know what's going on anymore!" Miura screams out while grabbing onto her locks of blonde hair in frustration. Yuigahama tries to console Miura in the process, but continues to fail in doing so in the background.

I roll my eyes at that. Typical Rom-com nonsense. Who'd expect the fire queen of Soubu to be a major drama queen. Oh wait. I did. Long before...THAT happened. I smirked in reminisce. I almost pity the Original...almost. _"Oh calm down Pinky. I don't want this room to rely on it's air conditioning even more with you heating things up for the tiniest of reasons."_

"Pinky?! Hmph. R-Really Hikio? Can't you come up with something more cleve-" She pauses as she stares at my still smirking face with a disturbed expression before slowly looking down, her eyes trailing downwards towards her plaid skirt. Hm? What's with this reacti-

"KYAAAA! Hikio you pervert! Creep! Lecher!" She exclaims with a full blush covering her entire face as she covers the front of her skirt with both hands.

What.

 _"Hm? Why are you calling me a pervert all of a sudden? And did you really just say 'kya'?"_

"D-Don't change the subject! Y-You called me P-Pinky b-b-because...urgh."

 _"...Your face."_

"W-Wha?!"

 _"Your face is very pink right now. That's the only reason why I said it. Why else do you think I referred to you with such a childish name?"_

O-Oh...Hah?! C-Childis-?"

 _"And why are you looking down to where your hands are currently at? It's as if you're trying to cover something up. Figuratively speaking of course. But perhaps...even literally as well?"_

"N-No! I don't know what you're talking about! B-BAKA HIKIIOOOoooo!" She screams at me while running out of the classroom.

"Yu-Yumiko-chan?!"

 _"...Aaand she's gone."_

Exactly as planned.

"Hikki..."

 _"Hm?"_

I glance towards Yuigahama who's now squirming less as she notices my bemused face. She closes her eyes tightly in preparation before opening them revealing slight determination to what she's about to sa-

"C-Can we talk in p-private?"

...Oh I know where this is going. Hm? No, not like that you pervs.

 _"Sure. Service Club right?"_

She blinks in surprise to my immediate answer, as if she expected some form of resistance from me. "H-Hai."

 _"Mm. Let's go then. Besides, it's not like I'm going to leave anytime soon, ne Yuigaha-?"_

 ***Can Hikigaya Hachiman report to the teacher's lounge immediately.***

 _"Oh well you look at that. How convenient. Well, sorry Yuigahama. Duty calls."_

"B-But. Hi-Hikk-"

 _"Listen, if you're that desperate to just talk to me, you can catch me later AFTER I finish my business over there. So yeah."_

I turn to the side, facing Yuigahama one last time as I wave my left arm at her with my right hand clenched into the edge of my blazer.

 _"By_ e Bye...Y _ui."_

I swiftly turn my back towards her as I speed-walk to the teacher's lounge, purposely ignoring the flabbergasted Yuigahama staring at me with a hurt expression as she once again remembers a time where she and a boy named Hikigaya Hachiman shared a rather tender moment outside of this school.

* * *

 **And I'm going to cut it off there. Yes, there not here. I could have continued it to him meeting with a certain single woman but I honestly have no idea how to execute it properly.**

 **So, yeah. TWO DIFFERENT HACHIMANS sharing the mind and body of the !CanonHachiman. Here's the first version of what makes up these two...**

 **Hachiman: Doesn't care about compliments. Cares about insults. Insane yet claims otherwise. Nice in the outside. Cruel in the inside. Plays cards too early out of confidence. Calculating and proficient in math and science. Left Hemisphere. An engineer. Uses -san for the traitors as an insult. Font is exclusively bold and italicized. Thinks like a madman. Acts like Hachiman. Get's random flashbacks.**

 ** _Hachiman: Doesn't care about insults. Cares about compliments. Sane yet acts oppositely. Cruel in the outside. Nice in the inside. Plays cards too late out of uneasiness. Creative and proficient in language and poetry. Right Hemisphere. An artist. Doesn't use honorifics except sensei. Font is exclusively italicized. Thinks like Hachiman. Acts like a madman. Get's random flashbacks._**

 **Like I said before, I had this ready for at least half a year so I'm currently on Version 3 right now. My ideas are jumbled up and I can't make solid decisions, I know. I'm also very tempted to show you a trailer similar to Gotham Season 5 starring Jeremiah and Bruce but with Hachiman and xXxXxXX but that would spoil the ending.**

 **With that being said, might as well end this off with another preview of sorts. And if you do decide to read this preview, then I just have one question to ask of you...**

* * *

 ** **A Possible Preview of Chapter 4:****

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[Hiratsuka-sensei's Office]

 _Sensei, have you ever considered why your students choose to live in a veil of lies?_

 _They live hoping to have control over their fears. Their anxieties. And to attain that peace of mind._ _Let it be in the form of seeking popularity, controlling others, and acquiring any form of power are all done for the sake of that peace of mind._ _Friendships and alliances are also pursued as a means of attaining peace of mind...And marriage is no exception._

 _When my classmates say they wish to help others, or that something is done for the sake of love or doing what's right...it's all merely to give themselves a peace of mind._ _To achieve peace of mind is the goal of all of society._

 _With all of that being said, what anxiety could you possibly feel towards being true to yourself around me?_ _Any other peace of mind will come easily if you do._ _Doesn't being nice to me, even knowing that you're only lying to yourself, bring you anxiety?_

N-No!

 _Even now. At this very moment. You're lying to yourself Hiratsuka-sensei. You already know...deep down in your heart...that when it comes to people like me, we deserve..._

 _No respect..._

...

 _No sympathy..._

...-t up...

 _Not even love..._

Shut Up...

 _We deserve nothing...well, nothing but your genuine abhorrence reall-_

 **I SAID SHUT UP ALREADY YOU DAMN BRAT!**

...

N-No...I-I didn't mean to sa- I..I just...I-I'm so sorry Hikigaya. I didn't mean it. I didn't...

...

Hi-Hikigaya? W-Wait! Where are you going?!

 _...I'm done._

* * *

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 **...DiD yOu gET tHe ReFEreNCe?**


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